I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of
dollars for dinner. 
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you
this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?' 
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said.. 'I need
to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair
done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with
you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.' 
 
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and
wine.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, and alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, supplying a new definition.
Here are this year's winners. Each is an artificial word with only
one letter altered to form a real word.

1. Intaxication:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.):  The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

8. Hipatitis:  Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)

10. Karmageddon:  It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido:  All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):  The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.):  The colour you turn after finding half a worm
in the fruit you're eating.

17. Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up
to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would
like to buy some cyanide.' 

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' 

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' 
            
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.  That's against the
law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All
kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!  You CANNOT have
any cyanide!' 
            
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. 

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

* It's dark when you drive to and from work.
* You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
* You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three
  different companies.
* Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
* You learn about your layoff on CNN.
* Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best
  jokes.
* Your supervisor hasn't the ability to do your job assignment.
* You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
* Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all
  the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
* Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
* Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
* All real work gets started after 5pm or on weekends.
* 10% of the people you work with (boss included) knows what they
do.
* Vacation is something you rollover to next year.
* Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with
  computers" or "does something with satellites"

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our
calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look
like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central
female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're
gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a
group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her
butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to
picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look
like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's
spinach in our teeth.


Okay, so there are more reasons why it is better to be a woman ..LOL

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out
of being lost is to ask for directions.

1- Your last name stays put.
2- The garage is all yours.
3- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4- Chocolate is just another snack.
5- You can never be pregnant.
6- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
7- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because
this one is just too icky.
8- Wedding dress R15000. Tux rental- R100.
9- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
10- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
11- One mood all the time.
12- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
13- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
14- You can open all your own jars.
15- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
16- Your underwear is just R29.95 for a three-pack.
17- Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18- Everything on your face stays its original colour.
19- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
20. You only have to shave your face and neck.
21- One colour for all seasons.
22- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
23- You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
24- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
25- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in
25 minutes.

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked
and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. 
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans'
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights.'
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard - but no Ark.
'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for
the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I
told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued
me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. 
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. 
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of
most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. 
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. 
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You
mean you're not going to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA 

1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math. 
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown. 
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations. 
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on. 
5. Weed 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA 

1. Big rock between you and B.C. 
2. Ottawa who? 
3. Tax is 6% instead of approximately 200% as it is for the rest of
 the country. 
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of. 
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be
 its own country. 
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia
 groups. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN 

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw. 
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours. 
4. People will assume you live on a farm. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA 

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a
 beach front property. 
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes. 
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter. 
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood. 
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO 

1. You live in the centre of the universe. 
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump. 
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election. 
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC 

1. Racism is socially acceptable
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour
 will move out next. 
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada 
4. You can blame all your problems on the 'Anglo *#!%!' 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK 

1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies. 
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick . 
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA 

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get
 drunk and wear a kilt. 
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND 

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got
 the big, new bridge. 
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour. 
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes. 
4. Everyone has been an extra on 'Road to Avonlea.' 
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from. 
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at
 night. 


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND 

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea. 
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse. 
3. The workday is about two hours long. 
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your
 wedding

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner,
you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of
sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I
can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my
robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man.

"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to
demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady.  "I'm broke and haven't got any
money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and
pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said.  "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration." 
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway
carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork,
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of
gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.

 She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The
attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned
out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann
was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked
back to her car.

 She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas
and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always
resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her
car.

 As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from
across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it
starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been
a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize
you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I'v e known M r. Bradley since
he was youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention
he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was
your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said:

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to
the electric chair."

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. 
Both were very faithful and loving wives. 
However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. 
Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to go to the
bathroom, so they stopped in the cemetery. 
 
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take
off her panties and use them. 
Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties
and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down
next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
proceeded to wipe with that. 
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. 

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his
normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so
he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to
stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no
panties!!" 
"That's nothing", said the other husband, "Mine came back with a
card stuck to her butt that said..... "From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you."

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,
which  conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. 
 The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in
writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was
taken, and the  pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next
flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humour. Here are  some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded
by maintenance engineers.

 P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action
taken 
 by the engineers. 
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 
 S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 
 P: Something loose in cockpit. 
 S: Something tightened in cockpit. 
 P: Dead bugs on windshield. 
 S: Live bugs on back-order. 
 P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute 
 descent. 
 S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 
 S: Evidence removed. 
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 
 S: DME volume set to more believable level. 
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
 S: That's what they're there for. 
 P: IFF inoperative. 
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 
 P: Suspected crack in windshield. 
 S: Suspect you're right. 
 P: Number 3 engine missing. 
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search! 
 P: Aircraft handles funny. 
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 
 P: Target radar hums. 
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 
 P: Mouse in cockpit. 
 S: Cat installed. 
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget 
 pounding on something with a hammer. 
 S: Took hammer away from midget

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for
$5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The
man thought about it and said he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would
spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and
three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that
chance!"

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it
may need a ball replacement.  Mouse balls are now available as FRU
(Field Replacement Units).  Because of the delicate nature of this 
procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by
properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining
the underside of the mouse.  Domestic balls will be larger and
harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of
the mouse.  Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. 
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse
balls are not usually static sensitive.  However, excessive handling
can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used 
immediately.  It is recommended that each person have a pair of
spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.  Any
customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in
charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.  Please keep
in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy
customer.

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to
enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try
for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked h im to enter his password, he made it
plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...

P...

E...

N...

I...

S...

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer screen read:

PASSWORD DENIED. NOT LONG ENOUGH...

Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to
your eyes.  Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of
course.. 

Q. Do female frogs croak? 
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough. 

Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you be? 
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 

Q. True or False, a pea can las t as long as 5,000 years. 
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. 

Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a woman? 
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. 

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him
if he's married? 
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning . 

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. 

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
You'? 
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. 

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? 
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment. 

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking? 
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!   

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 
A. Paul Ly nde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. 

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to get any during the first year? 
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? 
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other? 
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. 

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. 

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. 

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do? 
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? 

Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. 

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it? 
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head, what was he trying to do ? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant? 
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 

Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. 

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet. 

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
in bed? 
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
how do you determine whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. 

Do you want a bed near the window?

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York,
and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful
woman boarding the plane.  He realized she was heading straight
toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

'Hello', he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?' 

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to
the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States.'

He swallowed hard.  Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever
seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for
nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your
business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded.' I use
my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'

'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American
men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.  Another
popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best
potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed.  'I'm sorry,'
she said. 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't
even know your name!'

'Tonto,' the man said. 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me
Paddy.'