I'm not even trying to get beyond you. I will not deny loving you. I cannot deny it. My love for you is so much a part of me I cannot deny it without denying myself. I still immerse myself in my love for you, coddle my inconsistencies of thought which allow me to justify everything I've felt for you. I tried so hard once to renounce you. I tried to absolve myself of the sin that loving you must be but it was a lie. How can I denounce everything I am? I tried to heal myself of you to cure my love. But why? You were my healing. Laughter was my cure. I still love you for giving me laughter. I see no point in trying to get beyond you. I see no point in trying to heal myself of you. For years my love for you was the only thing I could claim it was one thing mine and only mine. Anymore there are other things that I can use to define me but the one thing I keep coming back to is you. If they don't understand my love for you how can they understand anything? How can they understand me? I loved you. I loved you so much. I can not forget that. I can not move beyond that. I refuse to even try. Finally I refuse to kill the portion of myself that loves you.
Reason for writing:
This is dedicated to a man named Pat who I love very dearly. It's been over two years since I have even seen him and longer than that since we have really talked. Sometimes I wonder why I still love him. For awhile I even thought I didn't. I know better now. It is impossible for me to deny my love for Pat; it is too much a part of me.
Birth sign: Not entered
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