mommy always sat in the dark
i don't know how i knew that but i did
she used to laughcrysing until
i couldn't stand it anymore
hurt me hurt me hurt me
pain's the only thing i know
the only thing i understand
no i
take that back
i knew joy
i knew joy intimately once
when the dandelions went swimming
and even then i cried
they knew a freedom that i
couldntshouldntwouldnt
give myself
it was taken from me long ago
i dont know how i knew that but i did
Perfection
was always expected of me
there was nothing more to give and nothing less to receive
but perfection
was not something that i could give
perfection left my life like my childhood
i was not meant to possess either
i dont know how i knew that but i did
i was blessed with a brain
but too much knowledge is a curse
so i was brilliant
and damned
but i never was one to strive for mediocrity
so i wore my curse like a badge of honor
hurt me hurt me hurt me
and people listened to what i had to say
pain's the only thing i know
and they bent their backs to make me smile
the only thing i understand
because sometimes i could be beautiful
not pretty not sexy not wanted but oh yes
i could be beautiful
i dont know how i knew that but i did
revel in the perfection of beauty
not the beauty of perfection
perfect i was not
but i was strong and kind and caring
and sometimes i could be beautiful
and i truly loved everyone
when they stood behind me
and rewarded me for not backing down
and i truly hated everyone
when they stood behind me
and rewarded me for not backing down
from what i believed
i learned quickly that you get what you ask for
and more
i asked for a lot and they never let me down
hurt me hurt me hurt me
i learned quickly
mommy always sat in the dark
they all sat in the dark
i was brilliant
i was the sun
they always sat in the dark
loved me hated me
because i provided the light
the only thing i understand
because i showed them
perfect i was not
because i showed them all
and i truly loved everyone
and i truly hated everyone
because i showed them all there was to see
and even then i cried
between the shadow and the act
falls the essence
and for that moment
i was beautiful
there was nothing more to give and nothing less to receive
Reason for writing:
it's very liberating to have someone else read your innermost thoughts.
i wrote this about a year ago, and no one saw it until i posted it on my homepage.
there's more stuff at http://www-personal.umich.edu/~daisy along the same lines if you're interested.
Birth sign: Not entered
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