the insanity cycle

by junkie, aquarius - Not entered

the insanity cycle
 
I am insane
I don't know how to stop
I don't know why this shit is in my brain
It won't let me give it up

I am gonna get fucked up
I will make it all better
I feel alive and free
I wish it would last a little longer

I crash and feel even worse
I wish this didn't hurt so bad
I only want to be better of course
I should have reached for the hand

I lay here writing this
I am crying, I am still in pain
I hope this will clear my mind
I feel just the smallest bit better, I know it will happen again

I am so very insane
I do one thing to escape
I only find myself more confined
I want the cure but I can't have it

If i can't have the cure I will hide
I will close up and shut down
I will not listen to you, I am differend
I am going to figiur this out myself

I am gonna get fucked up, again
I will make it all better, again
I feel alive and free, again
I wish it would last a little longer, still

I crash once again and wonder why
I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me
I see a cycle, over and over and over
I do the same thing again and again expecting something        different to happen

I will always be insane
I will always have the cycle in my mind
I feel it will never loosen its grip
I am in this cell crying, I have never felt pain of this kind.

Reason for writing:

    
i am a recovering drug addict.  i wrote this about 20 minutes after a relapse (a relapse is when you slip up and use drugs again, for those who didn't know)    

Birth sign: Not entered
Date created: 1997-05-27 16:40:52
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:39:29
Poem ID: 47248

You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.

View more poems by junkie, aquarius.