I want to die I want to cease to live I want to escape this wretched existence I'm tired of counting down the number fo days, tired of feeling so helpless and alone. I'm tired of living by their rules, tired of trying to fit in. Why won't they just fuck off and let me be? Only then could i be remotely happy If i didn't have to worry about people telling me how awful I am, telling me how worthless i am, how stupid, how bad, how uncaring. So what if i don't care. I can't care! it only brings pain and suffering If i don't care about anything, i can't get hurt. If i don't care about being perfect, when they criticize me, it won't mean a thing. I have no feelings either because all there is to feel is pain. Happiness is just a feeble idea of no suffering, But it does not exist! I do not let myself feel because I am tired of the pain and the hurt. And yet in the end pain is all i yearn for. All those years it came so easily and was hated. Now i would sell my soul just to feel its stinging touch. But it is too late, all feeling is destroyed along with all cares and dreams. And so i say again: I want to die. Because without cares, there is no reason to live.
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