I sit by the window and watch the rain. The thoughts in my head scaring the shit out of me. Thinking of you is driving me insane. Why can't this cruel world just let me be? Whenever I see a light and start to crawl out of this hole Something comes and knocks me back down. And I start to hurt again, way down deep in my soul. I can't even find the strength to frown. I feel like no one out there gives a shit, even though I know thats not true. If only I could just scream and hit. I would feel so much better than I do. Everyone thinks that the world is perfect. But who are they trying to kid? Their problems, their lives they don't even effect. For my life I begin to bid. I go to the kitchen and get a knife. Should I do it, yes or no? Should I really take my life? I know it will hurt but who cares, so. It's a very small price to pay. I'm finally going to be free and happy. My problems will finally go away. I'll no longer feel so crappy. I fantasize about the blade on my skin. My blood flowing freely away from me. I won't have a single care by then. I hope my parents and friends can understand and see. I'm finally happy being where I belong. Suddenly a face flashes in my mind. And I know I can't do it, the timing is wrong. I go to my room and a note from the face I find. If you don't do anything, I don't. But if you leave me, I go too. I can't disappoint her, and I won't. For my friend I live, and I'll get through.
Reason for writing:
This is how I felt at the time. But I had a great friend and she told me that if I ever killed myself, she was going to also. And I care too much about her to ever do anything to harm her. She has been depressed before herself, but luckily has overcame it. And I don't want to do anything to change that.
Birth sign: Gemini
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