There is a feeling inside me that no one else knows of It's an unusual feeling like no other in many ways It makes me smile in gratefulness And seems to pierce my heart like a sharpened dagger All at once It's familiar happiness and gruesome heartbreak In perfect sync It's like a dramatic symphony with black-tainted instruments That plays on and shows no signs of ending It teases and torments Every sense of hope my soul contains It's a peaceful ballad with acoustic melodies And a gothic tune filled with heart-wrenching chords All in the most natural harmony It seems to flow through my veins like cool and soft running water Yet it burns with primitive fire, Raging and multiplying throughout every vacant and hollow corner in my mind An odd sensation of comforting terror It excites me in the worst way It gives me a reason to live, Yet it kills me This feeling controls my every thought... My every move And seems to consume me I can neither create it nor conquer it I can only surrender... And I have It was like selling my soul to this strange feeling Which grows inside of me as each day goes by I despise it, But it feeds me and nurtures me This feeling has no name or simple definition Not that I have discovered yet It has followed me all my life and has been with me Like an abusive lover You love so dearly but hate severely At the same time It's almost like a presence Heaven and hell Euphoria and pain In one distinct being It's the strangest addiction you could imagine It's the beginning of the end of my life And the end of the beginning In the same moment And if I ever chose to escape it I would never be the same The feeling tortures me and traps me And leaves me in agonizing awe Nevertheless, it hurts And even worse...it's real
Reason for writing:
This poem let me vent so many emotions I had bottled up inside of me... for me it shows more than any other poem I have writtenBirth sign: Not entered
You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.
View more poems by Holly... Cancer.