Euphoria and Pain

by Holly... Cancer - Not entered

There is a feeling inside me that no one else knows of
             It's an unusual feeling like no other in many ways
                     It makes me smile in gratefulness
          And seems to pierce my heart like a sharpened dagger
                                All at once
              It's familiar happiness and gruesome heartbreak
                              In perfect sync

        It's like a dramatic symphony with black-tainted instruments
               That plays on and shows no signs of ending
                          It teases and torments
                   Every sense of hope my soul contains
                It's a peaceful ballad with acoustic melodies
            And a gothic tune filled with heart-wrenching chords
                      All in the most natural harmony

     It seems to flow through my veins like cool and soft running water
                       Yet it burns with primitive fire,
  Raging and multiplying throughout every vacant and hollow corner in my
                                   mind
                   An odd sensation of comforting terror
                       It excites me in the worst way
                        It gives me a reason to live,
                               Yet it kills me

                  This feeling controls my every thought...
                              My every move
                        And seems to consume me

                    I can neither create it nor conquer it
                           I can only surrender...
                                And I have

              It was like selling my soul to this strange feeling
              Which grows inside of me as each day goes by
                                I despise it,
                      But it feeds me and nurtures me

               This feeling has no name or simple definition
                       Not that I have discovered yet
            It has followed me all my life and has been with me
                           Like an abusive lover
                   You love so dearly but hate severely
                             At the same time

                         It's almost like a presence
                             Heaven and hell
                            Euphoria and pain
                           In one distinct being

               It's the strangest addiction you could imagine
                   It's the beginning of the end of my life
                       And the end of the beginning
                           In the same moment
                      And if I ever chose to escape it
                        I would never be the same

                   The feeling tortures me and traps me
                     And leaves me in agonizing awe

                           Nevertheless, it hurts
                         And even worse...it's real

Reason for writing:

    This poem let me vent so many emotions I had bottled up inside of  me...  for me it shows more than any other poem I have written    

Birth sign: Not entered
Date created: 1997-11-07 20:37:04
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:07
Poem ID: 48149

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