Near the river of red lies the field of bones where the hopeless go to die all alone. On a journey of pain they traveled os far, on the edge of a razor or in a pill jar. No luggage was needed for they only brought tears; and the wind was their porter carrying cries no on hears. i dreamt of a field made up like a bed with blankest of thorns to cover the dead; of the river nearby which flowed into the sea and a ferry of lost souls that was carrying me. i tried to jump off and swim for the shore but the river was full of those gone before. The ferry was drawn by a ghastly rope of dead bloody hands of those who'd lost hope. i tried to break free, to alter my fate but was lashed to the deck by my anger and hate. i waited too long to let go of my past and an eternity in Hell my torment will last. i dreamt of a whirlpool colored blood red; was i alive or alreaady dead? Drawing me down to the ocean floor, into the darkness, i was no more. No more sorrow nor any pain; gone were the tears cried in vain. Gone was hate, borne of a cruel childhood; of being called bad when trying to do good. Out of the depths my anger arose, slashing and biting at whatever it chose. Afraid it would hurt my family and friends, i grabbed hold of the anger and turn it all in. Now the beast rages out of control and it's gnawing away what's left of my soul. The water's so murky and there's no sunlit sky. The wetness surrounds me and whispers, Just die. i fight to swim upward through seaweed and silt to tear down the deathwish that someone else built.
Reason for writing:
After years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse by my
step-monster, i've finally found an outlet for all of my
nightmares and self-destructive life style. i've found that if i can write it all out, then i don't have as much
of an urge to act on my dark feelings. i don't intend to
depress anyone with my writing or suggest that suicide is okay, but it is alright to have the feelings. Just learning
to do something positive with them is the way to prove to yourself and others you have conquored someone else's curse.
Birth sign: Not entered
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View more poems by a. rennie(Gemini).