In My Heart Forever I wanted to tell you I love you today, But I couldn't seem to get the words out, As I pass you in the halls I turn But I just can't seem to get your attention And then again, I suppose I didn't try too hard. I tried to find you at lunch, But you weren't in your normal seat. Your friend told me you were upset about something, And she couldn't find you either. I almost had her tell you for me, But decided that I'd better do it in person. I have to wonder to myself if perhaps you love me too. I once saw you gazing at me but you Seemed to be crying at the time. Maybe that's why I waited this long. I vowed to tell you in last period, Our only class together. We hated the class, But I loved it, because it Brought me to you. I ran to class to see you , Waited by your desk, and then the bell rang, And you weren't there. I asked your friend where you were. She told me you had gone home sick. As I sat in class, I kicked myself For not telling you earlier, And swore that today would be the day, No matter what. But then again, I'd said that before… I knew where you lived, So right after school I drove Over to see you. I even bought you a get well teddy bear Holding a heart that said I love you beary much. I thought it would be a special gift To go with a very special message. My grin widened as I saw that your parents Weren't home to see my profession of love; I was always pretty shy. I had never been to your house before, So I would have had a hard time finding Your room had I not heard your CD player Playing that song, it seemed familiar. Oh, yes, it was the song I nearly asked you To dance with me to. I remember looking at you, about to Head over when another girl stopped me To ask me to dance with her. I turned her down, and started over to you, But you had already gone. I found you all tucked in bed, Facing away from me towards the window, asleep. I laid my backpack carefully on the ground And rounded the bed to see you. You really did look ill, your face was so white, I heard a car door and realized that your parents Must have gotten home to check on you, So I had to be quick. I set down the teddy bear without looking, kneeled down And gently kissed your forehead. Well, a little too gently, I suppose, Because you didn't wake. I shook you a little, and then looked down To get your perfect white little teddy to present to you… But the teddy wasn't white. He had fallen in some juice and was stained Dark, matching the color of the heart he was holding. And then I saw your arm hanging off the bed, And I saw your wrist, dripping red, And I realized it wasn't juice. And then I screamed And screamed And even when they found us, I continued screaming in anguish, And then the tears came, Followed by the darkness They told me that you had left two notes On your bedstand. One was for your family, It read: I'm so sorry for the pan I will cause you. I only hope that you can take comfort knowing That my pain, the deep agonizing hurt that Was unbearable for me, the pain you didn't Even know was there, is over now. I will Never again shed a tear. I'm in heaven with The angels now. Please remember me for the Love I held in my heart, the love I never really Had a chance to show. Don't remember me For this. I love each and every one of you Deeply, and I will always remain in your hearts. Always and forever. The second note, surprisingly, was for me. It simply stated: I couldn't stand to love you alone For any longer. You're too late. I wanted to tell you I love you today. It took me this to realize that you already knew. I didn't need to tell you of my love today, I needed to show you my love every other day. And I will carry that with me until the day I die. -Jada Marie Andrews 4-21-98
Reason for writing:
A thought began in my head, and this poem was born. It truly
wrote itself. Please mail me with all comments, I'd love to
hear what you think. I'll reply to all mail I get. =)
Birth sign: Capricorn
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