Again

by Steve - Not entered

Upon midnight last 
Peering up at the plastic stars 
Taped to the roof of my cave 
As I lie in bed 
And close my eyes 
In hopes of a glimpse 
A flash from memory 
To see her once again 
A fool once complete 
A blindman in the street 
Just shuffling his cards 
But like the stars 
In my artificial night 
My hand is played 
The deck is dealt 
In random haste 
But the aftermath cries 
Only then sees the crime 
Far too late to reverse 
So it lies in memories 
Of what was 
What could 
What should have been 
But will not be 
And I close my eyes once again 
And scream 
Hold me... 
Hold me goddamn you... 
But the forbidden touch 
Can’t come from these fingertips 
For it lies but in dreams 
Fathomed of past breath 
Why? 
Why must this curse such plague me? 
And anger swells 
Throat quivers with pain 
And tears begin to dwell 
Reaching for her hand 
To catch me as I stumble 
I have come full circle 
To the true realization 
So smudged by the fortune cookie 
I try to lie 
Mask it like all the rest 
Unveil nothing to the world 
But this pen to my mind 
And this captured embrace 
This eternal kiss 
Burning now once again 
When it cannot be 
For those arms will close tight 
And those lips will lock sweet 
And her eyes 
That gentle stare 
Will soothe through the laughter in her heart... 
But I will lie here still 
Alone 
Searching for truth 
Among these plastic stars 
Still lying above my head 
Like the dreams of another day 
Filming reruns 
With amatuer anxiety... 
But I’ll hide it all 
And swallow the passion 
That is that one giant star 
Among the many nameless 
That glows much brighter 
That touches much softer 
That begs me to call out 
Hold me 
Give me back 
What I long so dearly 
The courage to make dreams real 
To smile once again 
The thought that it could be... 
That she could be... 
But who am I fooling? 
Only me...

Reason for writing:

    Most of my poems are written out of frustration.
My one true insecurity is in relationships.  Because I am afraid to instigate them, I spend time sadly dreaming of a chance to succeed.  This one is about a past emotion, which was remembered upon my gazing at plastic stars above my bed.    

Birth sign: Not entered
Date created: 1998-04-30 17:28:08
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:40:12
Poem ID: 49450

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