Do you know of this raging pain that tears at me That I still carry, buried deep within my soul? And if you knew, what would you do to help me? Would you turn away, or help to make me whole? Is your love for me enough to break through my shell To make me love, and heal this wound within? You know, don't you, that I have learned to hide it It is hidden well behind this free and happy grin. The pain, the hurt, the broken trust, bond severed At birth between mother and daughter, forged anew But I, unable to trust again, tried to love, And trust you, and to know you'd see me through. I still cannot trust or love, even you, my mom. I know you love me, want me to love you back. I want to love and trust you, I want to have that bond I wish I could trust you fully, I can't, and that's a fact. It hurts me more to know that I cannot be healed alone. I know that I need you there, and you can help heal me. Adoption, torn at birth from Mother, and given first to Foster parents, then given to you, my family, can you help me be? Sixteen years have gone by since we first met, and you Raised me as your own flesh and blood, hoping I could Learn to trust and love again, but I am forever damaged And cannot love or trust fully, though if I could I would. With my disabilities, you learned to cope, and taught me That I could do anything, anything that I set my mind to And yet I have set my mind and heart to trust and love you and all I find within is empty, and I know that you don't feel what I do. Emptiness. Abandonment. A child, still, at seventeen. Need. Hunger for Love, and a desire to trust, but an infected wound that does not heal. This infection of the soul has built a wall between us, and made me Bitter, pessimistic about love and trust, and being allowed to feel. I bury the pain so deep inside that it festers and infects This soul that would be so much, but is now an empty shell You see me as a happy child, you think I am a happy kid But you don't know how I feel, that I am in a living hell.
Reason for writing:
I am adopted. I am depressed. This expresses my feelings, and the way I cannot trust... I want to love and trust, but I cannot...
Birth sign: Not entered
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View more poems by Kaya (Gemini).