My love for him was so total, I lost myself inside of him. Ironic, because he never existed - My greatest masterpiece. A creation of my lonely heart. Only bits & chunks of who he actually was woven in with what I needed him to be. Loving. Devoted. And always faithful. Always. I wanted to be what he needed. I wanted to be enough. The impatience and pain within is consuming me. And there is a scuffle – forgiveness v. unmerciful horror And why forgive? He doesn’t care. He’s curled up in bed with a faceless her, not caring about my pain. I just wanted to be loved. He turned his back and walked away. Tramping through the slushy blood from my battered heart as he left. Not noticing or caring. Why did we have to stretch a one-night stand over one year, two months, and nineteen days? Just want to shrivel up and disappear until the sun comes back. Should have given him a disclosure up front - My kind of love is different. It is relentless. It is consuming. But it is absolute. Total. It takes you as you are. Looks and lives in your faults that are spread out on the hot pavement like a garage sale. And it accepts you. It accepts your repulsive acts, it accepts the darkness that lives within your being that is almost always covered and secure in the back of your closet. Understand? IT ACCEPTS YOU, AS YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU. Only rare people learn to appreciate that. I just want to sit and cry ‘til I drown. But I can’t. I left my tears in Pennsylvania. Still, he took it for granted or didn’t care to realize that I would have given him my breath.
Reason for writing:
I found out that my boyfriend, now my ex, has been with other females since we got together. And he turned his back on me when I got pregnant. I loved him anyway.
Birth sign: Not entered
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