You smiled at me- and i dreamed of what it would be like to be in your world. Your touch... that made me want to keep coming back for more, The look in your eyes... that made it so hard to turn away, Your kiss... and all the words you knew i wanted to hear and which i wanted so much to believe... Drew me farther and farther away from the emptiness that was my world and closer to yours. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to share, and yet I held back... knowing that this just couldn't, wouldn't last. I tried so hard to solve the myriad of riddles that fell from your lips, never knowing where to draw the line between your lies and the truth... before I realized I was doing the same. We were both players in a silly game where neither of us admitted defeat nor declared ourselves the winner, but all you had to do was smile... and i would lose myself in a dreamworld where nothing else mattered. Sometimes, in our silence I felt that maybe I could love you- if only you had let me... and if i had let myself. It was all a dream- an illusion i forced myself to take the place of the lonliness that was eating me up inside. But now this dream is over without ever completely being fullfilled... I could never be part of your world and you could never be in mine... it was the truth that for a little while, you and I chose to ignore but now have no choice but to face. ...So you smiled at me- told me I looked beautiful, and then you walked away.
Reason for writing:
This was written about a brief interlude with someone i met
while i was struggling to maintain a long distance realtionship
with my boyfriend. i realize now that i was only forcing
myself to believe i actually liked this guy. it was all
just a poor effort to forget my lonliness.
Birth sign: Scorpio
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