Numerous times unspoken words of mine have been left hurting me inside. Words that have been avoided for too long because I'm afraid of the effect it will bring on. Please just give me this one chance, listen to me, and try to understand. You came into my life years ago, whether accidental or sent from God, I'll never know. But there you were so very kind and sweet, in a way I was blindly swept off my feet. I received the belief that for me you cared with an emotion that shouldn't have been dared. I gave into you believing I was something special, and in return my love caused you to become fearful. I questioned the idea being wrong or right, the needing of each other in our life? Two different people worlds apart -- you & me, yet love was our greatest common need. No matter what, I could never turn you down. It seemed you were the only one who wanted me around. I miss those days you'd make a friendly call just to say hello and talk about anything at all. Our relationship is not what I'd wish it to be, instead it's an agreement of circumstances that others can't see. I often told you, I am sorry I can't. It's not you, it's me. Remember? I could not describe my guilt of having betrayed her. I became someone I couldn't stand to look at. Can you understand that? You knew I was trying to push you out the door with intentions of not seeing you anymore. I never wanted to see you hurting, I never wanted to make you bleed. I frequently wonder where that person I met flew? He's changed a great deal from the one I loved and knew. Realizing I was just your need and not your want, I felt so used, 'trash' was my first thought. You didn't do it on purpose I am convinced, it's partly my fault -- I neglected to tell you all of this. I honestly loved you once, and still I continue to care about you so much. After months of going on our separate paths, to me you always find your way back. Can you explain why you care so deeply for someone like me? Is it because I have given you love that was lost? or because like her, I am not? Is it because I was willing when others weren't? or because I was the one to come along first? I was there when you needed me as a lover or a friend, even times you longed for hug or wanted my hand. You listened to me go on about my pain, let me cry on your shoulder, and kissed the tears away. I hid my thought, If it weren't for circumstances being this way, you would not be here or want me today. Still I couldn't share this one single hurt in fear that you would quickly turn. It was easier for me to lock you outside than to give you the chance to walk out of my life. A 'sorry' probably has little value for all I've done, but I hope you can forgive me some. I will never curse you for all we've been through. Deep down, I really miss you. I just wish things were different than they are because you deserve so much better by far. Someday your life will make a change you won't forget and hopefully things will be for the best. Your memory will go back to a girl you once knew. She was young, beautiful, and so very good to you. That is a particular dream you can never lose since she's got a place in your heart whenever you choose. We can't see exactly where things will go from here, but keep in mind I'll remain to be a friend that's near. Copyright November 16, 1998 by Bobbie J. Brown
Reason for writing:
This is the longest poem I have ever written! I enjoy writing very much and would appreciate comments from others.
Birth sign: Scorpio
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