cELiBaCy

by Leokadia Awen (Pisces) - Not entered

spinning through this void i have created
of questions that i don't want to answer
and faces i don't want to see
i made this world out of the ashes
of a life i left behind
but everytime i hear your voice
you're making me remember

and i wonder why i don't leave it alone
abstain from these pleasures of the heart
like some precarious addiction
or some dreaded habit
that each day pulls me down deeper
until i don't even know who i am
what i'm facing

you leave me alone with these questions
which is good because i cannot face you, now
at your side, my head nestled in your shoulder
i can't seem to think
i don't seem to know

but these moments, these curses
that are blessings in disguise
where you are not with me
and you can't look into my eyes
the only remaining times i feel like me
when i bow, make my vow-to celibacy

and confidence is no longer the issue
or the yearning to be something greater
who i am seems alright
until some conflict drives me down again
wading in the mainstream
choking on the dirt

living in this monotonous alleyway
drinking down the hurt

i'm not dependent
or i hope not
i thought i had clarified
is there some joy in compensation
if there were
i would not be here starving
wondering if each sound
may have been from you
hoping there's something deeper
but running from the truth

i think it's time for a change-
a silent someone is beside me
forever and a day.

for a day, i thought it had been you.

Birth sign: Not entered
Date created: 1999-02-28 21:28:32
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:40:57
Poem ID: 51976

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