I am praying now To the locusts outside On this balmy August night. In a room half painted By my fantasies, I lie on a bed With latex red and black paint around me. I covered the walls, The paint brush still in my hand... I have everything I want right now, Except some peace of mind... How can we all Live each day in tolerance; wake up to see, And come to know That the new day before us Blinding and blue Is the same fluffy clouded world We saw yesterday? Our routines barely change, Locked into our own patterns of living... We are all like an army of ants Marching along each day Trying to get food on our tables... Money to live Money to survive Money to buy things... Money means security. A secure life means security... But, what is security? You know where you're going each day, You know what you're going home to, No matter how miserable it may be... There's comfort in that security. My comfort and my downfall is refusal... Refusal to be an ant, And I deprive myself of some things because of it, And sometimes, I think it's a mistake. A mistake I think of late at night When nobody's around, A mistake I kick myself under the blankets for And sink my face into the pillow CRINGING. That cringe, is one of many. I refuse to settle in an unhappy job, Or a job where I will get abused, When I know I have bigger things to Accomplish in this life. I feel like Cassandra, And it is a burden. Because, I know nobody believes me yet... I also know, for all of my hard work, Whatever fame I garner Will probably come after I'm gone. This stinks. It's a road I have travelled before, A road that I see all the bends Turns and twists in... A road where I see the end, but occasionally I trip and fall along the way, Delaying my progress. I refuse to be afraid. I refuse to stumble And lay in a pothole for too long. My way is not the way of others... But it is the true way for me, The calling of my destiny. My obstinancy, my refusal to accept second best Will take me there... With some grief; until I reach my goal. My mother always said that my will Is my greatest flaw, and strongest virtue. She commented once That if I was alive during the Christian Persecutions, I would have purposely thrown myself to the lions... To prove a point. The point being, that nothing will keep me from Where I want to be, and I would destroy myself In the process, Just to prove a point. I would sacrifice myself for a principle... For the point I was trying to make. I would rather make myself unhappy, Than let others take that job. But, I think if you ponder it, We all in our own ways Martyr ourselves In search of our true destinies. We all kill ourselves in our own ways each day, Sometimes slowly... In the search for truth, And in the search for purpose to our lives, So we don't feel so much like ants. E.A.Altamura, Copyright 1999
Reason for writing:
A few private, unspoken thoughts of what I see around me.
Birth sign: Not entered
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