I am an idiot, Walking a tightrope Over you. In every poem I write You are there. He told me that The price of a memory Is the memory of the sorrow it brings. The last one out of my life, Better not forget to lock up When they leave me. When the ghosts come back to Me and haunt me and Throw the past back in my face, I hope I'm not still so afraid. A blanket of stars watches Over my head as I sleep, Turning dreams to life, And I don't sleep anymore. All the razor perceptions Cut me just a bit too deep, he said And I can bleed just as well as anyone, But I need someone to help me sleep. So I cast a gaze into the sky and try To understand it all, In vain. I know you don't know me, And I know I'm not what I seem, But if you still want to find out, Come and try to know me. Don't run away from me please. And I've been there before, And I've lost everything… Don't run away. And the stars above my head Threaten me. Threaten to make me sleep again; Dream again. You can see inside me Just look in my eyes, But it won't get you very far. And if I could make it rain today I'd stand outside and watch It fall down, Like the tears falling from my eyes. Just to get a change of pace. I've waited so long, For someone to take me out of this life. Today was just a day fading Into a night, fading into A week, fading into a life. And what's the point anymore anyway? It just takes so long to smile. I don't want to know. I don't want to know me anymore. All I want is something good. Something just for me, Take a breath, Take your time. Spread my wings and fly. Close my eyes, Just to pass the time, Ease my mind, Fade into the night. Tell myeslf that I need Something more. Something good. I'd think of something better If I could. One way or another, I'm hoping to find A way to live this life For just another day. Come a little closer now, Don't be too afraid, See this pain within my eyes. Can you see it? Waiting there to be healed? Don't feel bad, no one else does Either. All you want is a place to lay your head. And now I'm shaking, and you don't see me. And now I'm scared, and you don't see me. And now I'm begging you, but you don't see. I'm thinking about leaving soon. I've got some things that I just can't say. Just need someone to talk to me. And all this time you really don't know Just how I feel. You don't know how I feel You're just trying to get me to stay. I'm thinking about breaking myself. Thinking about leaving soon. I think I've waited way too long. And I think that you're the only one Who can stop me. Only if you try. -Jada Marie Andrews 12-10-99
Reason for writing:
The Counting Crows. I was listening to their new CD, and writing
and this poem was born of it...
Birth sign: Capricorn
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