that lttile compartment above your neck holds many precious things or what should be considered precious. My boyfriend from september 27 to dec 7 (yes i keep count) was the only one out of 28 (i keep count of that too) was the only one i love all those "good" memories i have are thrown in to that compartment never to be released. because i know if i let one out all the rest will come rushing out good and bad to an extent that i break down. All the what should be good memories i consider bad because they are there to remind me of the things i don't have anymore. like when i asked him if he's ever seen me in makeup and he said that i don't need it and that i'm to pretty to wear it. i don't know wether to cry or to smile. i'm so confused. Or when he kneed me in the butt and said thats how it feels when an elephant buttfucks you. I don't know wether to laugh or cry because he's gone. I saw him once (after we broke up and he changed his number again) at my favorite place in St.pete the pier. i knew it was him because only he would wear all black on a really hot day and he was wearing that hat that i hate.He ran along the mini golf court when i saw him. i got up and ran over there dragging my friend but wheni turned the corner no one was there. I thought i was going crazy ( which my friend had been saying all along) but then i looked up and there he was with his mom. i just wanted to hug and kiss him and never let gobut i said hi and talked because me and him always had to act tough. He could see that i wanted to do that and he wanted to do the same. That day would have hurt so bad if it wasn't what i was wishing for every night ( and the fact that he kept looking back) but it was and i blew it i'm never going to see him again. My friends well some lie to me which i hate because i know they are lying but i don't say anything if thats how they treat their friends thats them. Two of my best friends are avoiding me and i don't know why and it hurts so bad to know that they pretend to be their little brother on the phone. i'm down to one best friend and i'm so ashamed to say its the one that i always went to last but she still here. I love her so much. i'm so afraid that she's going to leave me too. My dad won't come down and see his children because my step- mom is jealous of my mom and i don't know why she has nothing more then her. That gives no excuse for him not to call not to send a birthday card just because he doesn't have money. I don't want his fucking money! I don't think he knows when my birthday is anymore. I don't think he cares. I'm so afraid to call him because i don't know who he is any more. One christmas i want to take that money and shove it up his ass so he will know what it fucking feels like! i don't remember what colors his eyes are. He can use that money on beer that stupid fucking alcholic! FUCK YOU! My dog is going to die soon and I don't know how to deal. I've never had anyone close to me die. He's been there all my life ( unlike my father) I had a uncle die but i never really knew him he never came to visit. I don't hate these people i just hate what they are doing and maybe it will change who really knows. I really don't expect anyone to read this and if they do not to really care its just good to get things out of my compartment.
Reason for writing:
i needed to get it of my mind no one should kepp things so bottled up but yet i still do it along with a lot of other people. Please don't leave rude comments because i know everyone has their problems and you didn't have to read it. Its just that right now the only people i can trust are the people i don't know and will never meet.
Birth sign: Scorpio
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