I met a girl fell in love with her at first sight it took so long for her to come around but now I lost her. She once believed in all those things that I used to say she once thought that I would never hurt her in any way. But now I have to go on alone I'm nothing without you everything I used to love all those things I used to do I can't be happy anymore knowing what I did to you. Here I go walking in my perfect world your love touched me like the strongest wind but all I got left is memories living in what is now my fantasy world. All I believed in all my pride everything I told you has now become a lie. I got drunk I got upset I got insecure and eventhough I told the other person no more than just one time I couldn't stop myself I thought I was different I thought I'd never do this now I'm just like every other guy. I cheated on you I slept with someone else I remember how we used to talk about how our virginity was so sacred how I hoped to save it for someone special we both thought that it would be you. I couldn't deal with the guilt couldn't bear the pain you deserve better than this and as much as I didn't want to hurt you I had to tell you. I knew if I did I would lose you but I couldn't let you be with me I cared to much to let this go on because your to special and I don't deserve you I fucked up now I have to live with this everyday. I've lost all my self-respect I don't deserve to live I'm not the guy you thought I was not the one you fell in love with. She's yet to come back but I still have your picture I keep it close to my heart a reminder of everything I lost and more importantly something I fucked up. How quick insecurity can drive away someone who means the world to you but look at me now pacing on my balcony 17 stories up wondering if I should jump because I can't live with myself now that I've lost you and hurt you I'm nothing but a disgrace. When I take a walk outside I'm surrounded by millions of people I feel hate me because they can see right through me they know what I did oh, how fast my sun went away. I hope you got my message eventhough it won't change a thing I just don't want you to think that I don't give a damn. Now you hate me and I don't blame you at all I don't ask for sympathy because I deserve what I got and I have to live the rest of me life knowing that I broke your heart looking at myself in the mirror I realize that I'm not special I'm a phony I'll never hear your sweet voice again I'll never receive another one of you calls.
Reason for writing:
It's about how I went against everthing I personally believe in as a person
when I got drunk and upset one night. I slept with someone else who I knew for years
I went against everything I told my girlfriend and everything I felt in my heart. The ultimate pain isn't
that I lost her, or that I threw my virginity away to someone who wasn't special,
and I wasnt in love with, those things are painful enough.
I have to go on knowing that I hurt someone so special, and at
times I'm so ashamed about what I did, I feel like I don't deserve to live.
So to all you girls out there, every guy is an ASSHOLE, I just never thought
I would be too.
Birth sign: Aries
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