i watch sometimes, as our conversations linger, the words i paint and draw onto the thin air. i watch as they try to form themselves into something for you to see. how utterly painful their transformation must be. to be summoned from the dry space between us. to land upon your consciousness and illuminate your mind with candle-lit rooms and soft ethereal winds flowing all around. the smell of a large garden taints the air and the sounds of the waves, gently landing upon the rocky beach. oceanside. the high cliff. a walk up several flights of weathered stairs. ancient with the salty spray, perhaps only a century old, but the look betrays its youth. countless eons have passed and left their mark upon these steps. the walk remains the same. up, on high ground, where the tower stands, a beacon looking out into the infinite horizon. one eye casting its stare. searching for the one who matters. waiting, through all storms and sunny days. through frost and deadly heat. uncaring of the pain outside. driven, longing. the pain inside, holds me fast. i am waiting. one day you will return. i will look out of my high window, out to where you are, and i will run to you. i will hold you again and never let you go. we will run back to the garden of dreams we planted, and delight in its beauty. how can i repair this empty room that is falling apart around me? even the spiders have abandoned me. what shadows lurked here have long since found my company a tad bit miserable. but you. when i was with you, i knew the sunshine by name. i held no compromise. there was no holding back. but joy. that was the only memory i embraced as you drifted away one night as i lay sleeping. i awoke and only found the dust, unsettled as you shifted through space. the endless trail of tears that tried, vainly, to reach you. but you were gone. and the oceans rose with my tears. the salt created my beach. and on this beach i sit, staring out. i call your name, but only the waves respond with their endless cries of pain as they labor towards me. what hollow wind pushes you away from me? i think to myself. were you not happy here? did my garden not enchant you? did i not cherish you more than life itself? i miss you. i wish you were here. but all i can do is wait. i will wait forever on the edge of this vast ocean. forever until you return for me. the night grows dark and cold. the stars above shine bright, but they offer no heat. no sympathy in their glimmering brilliance. only an image of places far too distant, as i imagine you must be. your face, i remember it. so many moments i wanted to touch the skin and draw it into the stars so that i could look up into the night sky and see you there, looking down on me. watching over me. but i couldn't. i burned my fingers in the fire of regret. did i frighten you? or perhaps my life was so un-mystifying that you so quickly lost your wonder in me. perhaps solitude is all i will ever know.
Reason for writing:
waking up to your shadow's silent retreat...
Birth sign: Taurus
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