Plummeting headlong and fast. fast and out of control. i lost this fight with myself and watched as your memory burst into a symphony of tears written in pain. i sang out your name and cursed the time that left me with only images to hold onto, instead of you. burned from the tips of my fingers are your soft caresses. dreams only serve to mock me from the other side..."you fool! you should have looked away. you should have headed forward instead of falling in..." but this is my truth. i would gladly return to the womb and begin life anew. suffer through all that i have suffered. relearn all that i have learned. endure all that i have endured. everything, time and time again, if only to rediscover you. this is my world without end. my life in eternal recurrence. just as i am bound to meet you again...i will lose you again. and so my search for you repeats itself... promise me you will live a good life. promise that you will find the happiness that i told you was there. i believe in you and i know that it is only a matter of time before i am accosted once more by my need for isolation. travel far and breathe deep. create beauty with your eyes and light up the sky with your smile. show the world that you exist as a source of energy for those who are weak. for you are the strongest being i have ever known. by my side, i felt you in a cool luminous wave of goodness. there was nothing in you that didn't inspire me to be more than i was, if only you would see me every once in a while. in this life i had already fallen into a complete resignation. i shut out the world and closed my eyes. i lost touch and forbade pleasure. the world was not something to be enjoyed or admired. no bounty was to be discovered at the end of the rainbow or after an arduous task. i broke myself and sank into the void. the sweet void... how beautiful in its simplicity and absoluteness. nothing could find me there. no one knew what it was. i moved in silence and was not seen. i looked out to the world and nothing mattered. even pain and pleasure became one. who could say what was happening. nobody knew. in time, all this would be over. soon enough. but...not sooner than you. then you. into this world of mine you entered. the sphere of darkness dissolved and you placed your eyes on me. i followed your stare and realized that we were looking at the same thing. we met. suppose a bird could fly to the very edge of the world. would he look about and stare at the vastness that lies before him? new and unexplored. would wonder rule his heart as he ventured into the unknown? or would he return to the comforts of familiar surroundings. would he give up the desire of new pleasures and perils for the stagnating monotony of everyday. perhaps...if i was that bird...no such questions would need be asked. i would take the plunge into the brilliance and swallow my heart. if i could get away from this torrid place...if only for a heartbeat...i would.
Reason for writing:
that's what i felt when i was with you.
Birth sign: Taurus
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