3:43 in the afternoon curled up into a ball tightly gripping the neck of my guitar as if it were keeping me afloat from something taking me under crying onto my pillow eyes burning from the TV's glare all the songs mention love four times in every chorus and verse painfully reminded my mental state and it's steady disintegration panic attacks overcoming my body one of many since i heard she's truly the essence of malice and the guilt washed over me like sky blue on a worn canvas it hurts to breathe since i feel doing so was only perpetuating my growing faults with every beat of my pulse i was only doing more wrong i dont want my existance to be a burden but the people i live for just keep driving me like a stake in the dirt everyone else is in color while i drip black and white blind flight gone crash and burn im sorry i dont have the talent now 4:34... and my screen has gone sitting up without a cause motivation draining out of every pore of my body im dry my blood cries for contact hours from now blink on my clock "wish you were here" blinks in my head and i wish the sun would hide so i didnt feel like i was hiding from it i roll over and my pen starts to ache wishing it could only make me smile when it inks the page instead this black ink is only appropriate for the hollow...thought for a second i thought of writing letters of apology to everyone i've been a nuisance to but the guilt would stab me sooner then i thought of my guilt again again it was impossible to breathe i would be exhausted...but it's too tiring to be my feet haven't touched the ground since i woke up this afternoon three pennies on the floor ...chump change about my heart's worth for this minute and maybe this minute alone and maybe the next ill paint myself a new pretty picture and the minute after that it'll be painted over like a billboard for what smoking really does to your lungs and the TV mentions love again, but there's no billboard for what love really does to your heart my mouth is dry from not speaking a word for what is hours now im too scared to utter something i might have to apologize for a million times later but to myself "when all of your playthings have all disappeared girl will you be happy when there's nothing left but tears" and i write lyrics that would usually put everything in perspective and now im just crossing it out cuz neither of anything make sense wont someone carry me across the mud? the same mud that's stood before me for some time now... the ground is too dirty to touch the air is too filthy to breathe im guilty of all my surroundings now 5:33 five smashing pumpkin CD singles because time otherwise holds no meaning unless i'm panicking over it "you've created this monster...so live with it" my windowshade doesnt go up my foot never comes down the ringing in my ear wont stop and with every drop of my existance the resistance to exist grows stronger and my strength becomes weaker i curl back up into this familiar pillow someday someday hopefully someone will be by my beside coaching me to be ok someday someday i might be ok but for now im not i wanna leave this room but it would be disappointing knowing my bed wont even miss me its all downhill from here walking an uphill climb where's my guitar the only beauty that's not offended by my touch this artificial breeze is sickening to my stomach this blood on my hands is beginning to fit my skin and this panic in my pulse is scary to my motionless state the ground is slipping beneath my body who's soaked in it 6:33 now i cant write this anymore because im just drowning in my own series of mental ... no this is really the end of this page 6:39pm
Reason for writing:
this is almost not a poem but i figure since it almost seemed important-poetic-type-rambling i might as well let yall read since this was an honest plea from the heart's commitee
Birth sign: Pisces
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