I want to colonise you he said to me. My body uncharted territory. I want to colonise you and conquer you. I woke up next to him in the morning, his body curled into the shape of sleep, eye balls going mad beneath closed lids. I could feel him between my legs, felt with clammy hands what he had done to me. I wanted to wash but hurt too much, hurt all over. My muscles had been pulled by his thin, grabbing hands. He calls himself an artist. And I – well. I am his as he has claimed me. – My blue body bruised like a map. I want my mother to come home. My blue blood nobly seeping out. I went to school that morning and smiled for the world. Masking my horror with hello and how are you and never help me, help me I need your help. Empty calls. Calling emptily, calling into the big blue nothing that was the polluted sky of the strange city which worked once worked as a machine till there was nothing left anymore, all gone… All gone. My mother left because my father colonised me. My mother left me because I stole her eyes and every time she saw me she saw him looking back…looking back… Looking back I can see they did me wrong. (And I am not alone in that.) Pressure pounding beneath a baby’s face… slept like a baby, wrapped myself into the tightest fist and thought… thought…thought that I’d reached the end. But then I woke up and the saliva was streaked down my sleep creased face and when I looked in the mirror it broke into a million pieces and that is how I see this world now, in a million pieces...Birth sign: Cancer
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