I walk through these halls
Where I don’t belong
It still seems so strange to me
I hurry along to escape the unfamiliar faces
Of friends laughing, talking, smiling
Which reminds me
When I belonged somewhere too.
Everyone thinks it is so easy
After all the years and friends in another place
Just to jump in
Immediately adjust
Like I have been here all along.
I don't talk very much to any of them
They wonder why
And think maybe I am just painfully shy
But what could I possibly say
When they are reminiscing
I wasn’t there
I don’t want to hear all their memories
I don’t want to hear them laughing and talking
Or see them smile
Don’t they know
They make me feel out of place even more?
I try so hard to fit in
But when they surround me
The feelings are so overwhelming
It’s hard to breath
My stomach turns to knots
My heart beats faster
My head starts to spin and it goes blank
Except for planning an escape
I can’t talk
But I want to scream so badly
For someone to understand
What it’s like to be the new girl.
Reason for writing:
I just moved to Pennsylvania from Maine, which is where all my friends and family and everything I know is. So to be somewhere so new is so very hard, especially making new friends. This is a very touchy topic for me as I am yearning for the closeness with the people here that I had with so many in Maine. I went to some girl's birthday party with my boyfriend(he is the only one that has been able to get close to me)and we had to leave like, 10 minutes after we got there because I was so nervous I was sick. Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and then one day this poem just flowed out onto my keyboard. The people here don't understand why I have trouble being around them, they are nice people but feel as if I am rejecting them. So I guess this is my way of making them understand how it feels to be new.
Birth sign: Pisces
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