This is Pain

by Nicole M. - Gemini

Silly
All those hollow
Superficial pains
The crush that never noticed me
The C on a term paper that was half-asked
The boyfriend that doesn't worship every grain of sand
I've walked upon
Supersiliously
I thought these were pain
But now they pale
Shrivel and wither away
To this tear in my heart
By loss 
By guilt
By taking this for granit
Taking everything for granit
This is pain!
This is pain
Feeling helpless
Loosing what was so important to me
Having it seep through these ignorant fingers
Taking for granit
The hold I had on it.
This is pain!
And it only hurts more when you say
I know
Because you can't even BEGIN to know
What this pain is!
You could never feel THIS pain
It's all mine
And now I wish
I would trade this in
For a thousand crushs that never knew who I was
A C on everything I ever did
From here on out
And a boyfriend who ignored me every minute of my life
Because all that so-called pain
Would feel like pure bliss
Compared to this hell
I've put myself in.

Reason for writing:

    It's just been one of those days where it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me.  I mean no disrespect to those who have or who are now having a crush that isn't returning the same feelings, or any of the other things I called "hollow pain", I'm just calling the "pain" I felt with all those things hollow compared to this real hurt now.  I didn't loose a boyfriend or anything, it's much, much worse than that.    

Birth sign: Gemini
Date created: 2001-04-06 00:00:30
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:43:59
Poem ID: 61669

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