sometimes you try so hard to forget who you are everything that you have ever done has collapsed upon everything you could have done nothing has become everything everything has become nothing you are a nobody from nowhere traveling down the broken road to somewhere you don't belong i have once been a nobody clinging to all that was of no good to me clinging to love and life and hate and anger intertwining them into one unsolvable mass of confusion i wanted everything i could not have i got everything i shouldn't have had and did not want here i am, for all of them to see down on my knees for a chance at getting it right i didn't want to get to the point of almost self destruction didn't mean to/ didn't need to didn't set myself up for the fall but suddenly the light was taken from my life with almost sudden intensity came too strong/ came too late came too fast for me to push away darkness took over my life wrapped me around it's pale thin fingers holding on and not letting go days and nights spent in solitude combining into one dark sickness inside my head spoke nothing to no one lost all sense of holding on to the people who considered me their friend i gave up on everyone even myself if you had asked me 10 years ago if i would be holding this gun in my hand every night for 6 months consistently i would have told you, you're nuts why is it i haven't let go why is it that i haven't pulled the trigger one question/ hundred reasons for i longed to let go to let go of the pain with-holding my heart chaining all thought- all sense i never sought attention for me, i never wanted attention in the first place in fact, i distaste it i run from it, hide, and make it so that's it left back in the dust with no point of return it wasn't for the mere fact of saying it and pussying out hell no if it was, i wouldn't have gone through what i had finding myself in the ER each night due to failing and if they weren't in the right place at the right time, i would have been a goner yet there they were the people who considered themselves my "friends" staying with me afterschool just to watch me coming over everynight to babysit to chain my life, my control, my death until there came a point where i could no longer breathe when anger and hostility burst out into open flames surrounding all that had become a part of my being my fists put inside their faces holes portraying my walls screams echoing into the night i wouldn't let them watch over me feed me/ teach me/ pull me off of my knees i no longer had a point to life i no longer saw anything as real i was disillusioned and unmoving learned helplessness was what i learned dark and angry was what i had become i don't know when it started to turn around probably when someone finally sat me down and let me talk out everything let me ramble on about the beginnings/ the ends/ the torment probably when someone started screaming back at me started putting up their fists fighting along back and allowing me to let it all out only then did i start breathing again only then did i let it out only then could i stop bitching and start moving on yet it never will be over until his death has come around only then will i awake and find a day worth living.Birth sign: Scorpio
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