I cut myself once again only to see if I could feel. I watched the pain pour out in red, the blood I knew was real. I tired to drown inside the hurt, but I ended up drowning my pride. I lost the respect I used to have, so I sat alone and cried. beneath my crimson stain of red, the feeling disappeared. beneath my sorrowful-bloodshed wound, my life, it all came clear. from the inside I hurt-it was a slow burning pain. I look at what I wanted to be and the failure I became. my eyes wept pain and hurt-they wept merciless tears. outside the people saw me smiling-but inside myself lived the fear. nothing seemed to go away-my life was falling apart. I built my world on empty dreams, that soon broke my heart. I can’t restart what I’ve already lost-I can’t rebuild what I’ve become. I’m never happy anymore and my existence makes me numb. life is a battle pushing to be won-something I can’t do. but there’s still a moment of faith only because of you. I watch my self-fulfilling prophecy fall onto the floor. watching my life fall away from me feeds the guilt more and more. I silently cry out your name-how I wish you knew. all that I am and feel inside--and I’m still alive because of you. and the words that touched me most was when you sang--can I fall with you? you have grown to be so much apart of me that if I don’t love you I won’t exist. maybe then when I am gone-my life will truly be missed. I’m sorry for never letting myself go-and I’m sorry for all I’ve done. life was just a brigading battle that I never could have won...
Reason for writing:
i wrote this with many emotions in mine...the death of my 4 year old cousin..he died like 2 weeks ago...the guy i am in love with secretly...another guy who makes life worth lving..and all the pain i bottle up inside
Birth sign: Aquarius
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