Never Thought

by Samantha Lowe - Scorpio

I'm sorry for the times I've let you all down
No, don't tell me that I haven't
I admit, that I have

I used to be the quiet, shy girl that never started any trouble
There were times when I should have
Should have stuck up for myself
Should have told you what was going on
Instead I hid the bruises
Covered up the scars upon my arms
Sucked it up and smiled
Laughed with the best of them
I never showed any faltering
For my tears were never displayed
My anger- never shown
I was the clown of the group
The shoulder for everyone else to cry on
The steady arm for everyone to cling to
You guys never expected for me to fall
You never saw any warning
Anything of what was actually going on
That day that I walked into school
This past December
After 9 years of suffering
You finally got the clue
Finally saw the salty tears fall from my cheeks
And finally heard the hell that I have bled throughout the years
And heard the threat to end my own life
I'm sorry for talking like that
Sorry for putting you through 5 months of babysitting
Of staying up late at night, calling every hour
Just to make sure I was still hanging on
Sorry for saying goodbye all those times
When I wanted to give up
Sorry for having you force me to go get help
And for watching me go through rages
Putting holes in the walls
Walking away from everyone including myself
Because I got upset that no one would leave me alone

And I thank you 
For being there when I doubted that anyone would be there at all
For putting up with my anger, depression, my altered state of mind
Thank you for taking the bottle from my hands
The alcohol from my lips
The hatred and sadness from my life
Thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to wake up every morning and smile for realising what I have
For going to school and having people scream my name from down the hall
For driving home from school 6 of my very good friends
Even though it's illegal to fit that many people into my truck

Thank you for giving me the second chance
And for allowing me the oppurtunity to go to the prom on May 12th with my perfect date
Riding that trolley with 22 of my closest friends to the most special night of my life
To walk down that aisle on June 19th in my white gown
Holding that diploma with a great big smile upon my face
And a tear that would capture all that I have felt these past 18 years...
   I never thought I would make it
   Never thought I'd last through the year
   Never thought I'd forget his touch
   And the hurt that he gave me.

Reason for writing:

    not one of my best but i couldn't think of another way to write it    

Birth sign: Scorpio
Date created: 2001-04-28 23:23:27
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:13
Poem ID: 62425

You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.

View more poems by Samantha Lowe.