She opened her eyes, still handcuffed to her bed. His bloodstains dried up on her white gown. Jean was still in shock. She couldn’t believe that this had actually happened to her. She could still here Sake screaming at her from last night. She had never heard him raise his voice before that night She looked over and there he was. Still there. He had kept his promise. Never let go. Sakes arms were still holding Jean. That’s all he ever wanted. She laid their trying to recall what led to him handcuffing her to her bed and then himself O-Ding on valume and aderal . Jean found it odd that he would tie her down and commit suicide without touching her. She figured that if he loved her so much, he would make love to her, even if she resisted him, before he was to end his life. But he didn’t. Sake only embraced her while he waited to die. Jean thought back to when they met just two years ago. Jean was a 54-year-old hairdresser, she also taught cosmetology to high school students. Sake had walked into her classroom after transferring out of chemistry. He looked to his left when he entered the room and there she was, sitting at her desk. Jean was an older woman about 5’ 5 maybe 130lbs. She had blondish grayish hair that she was wearing down sort of curled She was wearing a yellow sweater with black dress pants with heels. She was obviously an avid fan of make up. They say make up isn’t good for your skin and jean was living proof. She wasn’t deformed in anyway, but it was obvious she had used it generously in her time. Sake looked at her and thought she was pretty and immediately realized that there was something about her. He didn’t know what it was and didn’t give it much thought. Sake was 16 when he met Jean. He was 5’11 about 180lbs. He had shoulder length semi straight brown hair, which he always wore back in a ponytail. He was wearing black dress pants with a silver shirt touched in. He hated tucking in his shirt, but it was school policy. Sake had issues. He lived with his grandparents when he was born. They were they were into a fanatical dogmatic religion which they enforced upon him relentlessly. This religion controlled all aspects of his life. He had to attend church four days a week and “go out in service” on Saturday mornings. At school during the pledge of allegiance he had to stand out in the hall. During birthday parties he had to eat his cake and ice cream in a separate room. It was very alienating. Couldn’t have been the most positive influence on him during his social development period. When he was seven he moved in with his mother until he was thirteen when he moved in with his aunt because of a dysfunctional relationship his mother was in with an abusive alcoholic janitor. Moving in with his had its ups and downs. He was allowed a lot of freedom. During parties such as new years or just social gatherings, he was aloud to drink and smoke like the adults. One night during a social a social gathering, his aunt left for a while. Sake became very intoxicated along with his uncles sister who was 27 while Sake was only 13. One thing could have led to another, but his aunt came back before there was intercourse. Sake has a fetish for older women. Older meaning forty-five and up. From a psychological stand point this can probably be credited to his mother only being an active member of his life for six years out of the eighteen he was living. After walking into class he was assigned some make up work. He didn’t pay it much attention. After all he didn’t need the class to graduate. Sake looked around the class. He saw a shelf with several manicon heads. There was a back room, which was basically a salon. He saw girls back there styling each other’s hair. He just thought they were all stupid. Class ended and he just walked out saying bye to the pretty lady at the desk. For the rest of that day Sake continued to think of jean. He didn’t know why. There was just something about her that he liked. The next day he casually started talking to her. Eventually jean brought up the topic of religion. Sake was completely atheist but he didn’t want to say that to her because he was sure that she had some kind of faith. Jean asked Sake what he thought of religion. Sake could hear some sort of concerned curiosity in her voice. He told her that he was agnostic. Jean replied by giving him several testimonies of her faith. He didn’t mind though. He thought it was cute. Why shouldn’t she have faith? She was a sweet little old lady. Sake admired her innocence. Her seeming to be so normal. So happy and content with the life that her god had given her. Sake and Jean talked for the remainder of the class period. The time went by fast because he was enjoying talking to her. The next day he came to class expecting the same to happen again. Only today Jean asked him to put rollers in a dolls head. Sake complied reluctantly thinking that complying would earn him browne points with her. He hated it, so he claimed to be clueless about the subject of hair styling just so he could get her to come over and explain it to him. Sake liked her voice. It didn’t matter what she was saying. There were several occasions in which he would pretend not to understand only to be able to talk to her. Often times he would deviate from the subject of cosmetology just to further get to know her. Sake had known Jean for about two months now. That something that he liked but couldn’t define had evolved into an infatuation. Sake had knew someone briefly that was close with Jean. Her name was Faulkner. Sake was intrigued by her but didn’t trust her at all. But that didn’t matter. She was close with Jean. So he called her one-day to ask for a favor. He asked Faulkner to inform Jean of his infatuation just to see what would happen or if it was mutual even. Sake told Faulkner exactly what to say, but he it wouldn’t have surprised him if she had tried to fuck him over on this, but having Jean know and seeing where he stands with her was worth it. The next day as he was walking towards Jeans door, he was regretting having her informed. He walked in feeling very nervous. The closer he came to her door, the more he could feel his stomach turning. He looked at Jean. Sake had developed a sexual attraction to her. So when he looked at her face that morning, the expression on her face seemed to say, “ha hahahaha you’re not getting into my pants”. Sake didn’t talk to her at all that day. He felt so transparent, so found out. The thing is, Faulkner never even told her… Today jean was talking to some of the girls in class about random bullshit. Jean looked over at sake and said, “yeah that’s Sake, he’s my best friend. I always tell him all my problems but he never tells me his”. Sake replied by saying “ok, I hate someone and it bothers me that I can’t kill her without going to jail”. When the bell range sake walked over to jean and said bye. Then he made his way down the hall as usual, but then it hit him. He had just told a teacher that he wanted to kill someone. Sake returned to the classroom. He approached jean and said, “in case you have some civic duty to report a student that is contemplating murder, I’m not going to kill anyone…I don’t want to go to jail.” She replied by saying, “but I do have a duty to do this”. Jean took Sakes hands in hers and told him that everything would be ok. It was beautiful. She cared. Sake could have cried right there, but he didn’t. Normally if something like that would have happened, Sake would have became aroused, but today was so pure..so innocent. The next day sake ran into that girl at school. He was sick of her. He no longer wanted to have anything to do with her. So today he gave her a letter telling her how much he hated. It was full of slander. Sake was very proud of the letter. It was well written. When he got to jeans class he told her about the letter. He was very enthuastic about it. He was so happy about what he had done. It felt good to hurt that bitch. Jean was glad that sake had found some closure with that girl and she laughed about the way he worded certain parts of it. When sake left class that day jean called his name as he was walking away. Sake turned around to see what she wanted. He was pleasantly surprised to see that she was blowing him a kiss. At that moment sake fell in love with jean…. The next day sake came to class, not really doing anything. Suddenly he noticed a blue flashing light in the corner of his eye. He turned around to see what it was and there was jean holding a camera. She took his picture. This didn’t really help the situation. It only made sake believe that she was in love with him as well. Sake left the class worrying that the pictures she had taken of him may have came out bad, so he went home to find a few that were good enough for her. The next day he approached her desk and laid the pictures on her desk saying, “here incase the ones you took come out bad, I don’t like people having bad pictures of me”. Sake had given her two pictures of himself. The first was of him at a concert wearing a black velvet dress with flesh colored pantyhose and combat boots with his hair and make up done like a woman. Sake made a very attractive woman. The night when that picture was taken, three guys hit him on. The other picture was of himself with his mother and aunt. Sake was wearing dark red eyeliner in the pictures. He believed that jean would appreciate these pictures because she was a cosmetology teacher. Sake took a seat near jean and asked her how her day had gone so far. She said everything had been ok. Right then some tabitha walked into the classroom from the salon area. Sake hated that little bitch. She was always rude to Jean. He always wanted to watch her suffer at Jeans hands or a lovely death by horse rape would do fine as well. As long as she was to suffer. The bell range and sake said good-bye to jean. He was still pissed off at tabitha. He left the class with images of her being tortured in his head. Sake hated rude people, especially people that were rude to people that he was fond of. Seriously, jean was a sweet “little old lady”. She never fucked with anyone. So what made that little bitch so disrespectful? Sake didn’t care what her reasoning was. He just knew that he wanted to hurt her…. It was Friday night. And as usual sake was sitting behind his computer looking up “mature” porn. In porn lingo, mature means old ladies. Sake came across one picture of an older blond woman. The picture reminded him of jean. It totally caught him off guard. Stopped him in mid-stroke. Sake closed the window and walked out of his room, which was wallpapered with posters of his favorite bands, to get a cigarette and some tea. He needed music. Sake walked in to the living room to put on a cd. He had all kinds of cd’s in his library. He decided to listen to nine-inch nails-pretty hate machine. He always loved the song “terrible lie”. The song was basically Trent reznor talking to god. Asking him why. In the one of the verses Trent demands an apology. Sake loved that because he was an atheist. Sake returned to his computer, still thinking of jean. He wanted to find out something’s about jean. He hoped he could find everything he wanted to know about her online, but all he could find was her address and phone number. He saw the address and didn’t recognize it so he got directions. Sake was amazed by what he found. It turns out that when he was in the 3rd-5th grade, he lived less than a mile from her and his third grade “girlfriend” lived a couple of houses down from jean. He knew the exact location of where she lived, so he decided to take a late night trip to her house. He drove bye a few times thinking to himself “aww jean sleeps there”. She lived in what looked to be a Brady bunch neighborhood. Sake drove home thinking of her. He was becoming obsessed quickly…. “Come in sake,” said jean from behind her bedroom door. Sake had know idea how he got there and nor did he care. He was with jean in her bedroom and that’s all that mattered. Jean was wearing what looked like a cross between a black one piece swimsuit and black lingerie with black pantyhose with patches of see through areas on her back and stomach. She was wearing her grayish blond hair up. Sake always thought it looked better up. She looked great, but sake didn’t jump on her. Somehow she meant more to him than that. Sake had never slept with anyone he cared about, so he wanted this…this moment with jean to be something….something genuine. He walked in the door in ahh of her. This was going to be the greatest moment of his life. There was nothing dirty about anything. Jean took sake by the hand and led him over to her bed. Before lying down, sake put his arms around jean and kissed her. He had always wanted to do that. Just her kiss. She was so soft, so delicate, so everything he wanted. Jean and sake fell onto the bed together. Sake was still clothed and jean was still wearing her outfit. Jean worked her way on top of him. Sake sat up to kiss her and hugged her Waist. Everything was perfect. Beautiful. Jean put her soft little hands on sakes neck, making little noises that he always wanted to hear, while sakes hand were at her waist. He ran his fingers down her back. She was so perfect. Sakes eyes were opened as they kissed. He never closed his eyes while kissed. He wanted to see her eyes. Sake ran his fingertips over jeans faced as they kissed. She opened her eyes and they saw into each other. Jean could see that sake meant everything he had ever said to her. Everything was clear to her. He really loved her. And she felt it. She didn’t care that he was 17 now and she 54. That didn’t matter either of them. They were enthralled bye one another. Sake saw something as well, he saw a woman that had been through hell and survived. He had always admired her will. All the shit she had been through and still remained who she was….what he needed. For a brief moment sake could see everything that anyone had ever done to her. He could see it all around her eyes. He didn’t mind the lines around her eyes at all. What pissed him off was how they got there. He could see the years of undeserved bullshit being cast down upon her. Her past husband that never appreciated her. Her son that had her questioning her accomplishments as a parent. Sake pulled out of the kiss to look at her. All was silent except for jeans breathing. And her Song playing in his head. Sake leaned into jean hugging her tight then lying down with her on top of him. He could hear the lyrics in his head. It was nine inch nails the fragile. “We’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run hide…I’ll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side…but they keep picking…and picking…I won’t let you fall apart”. Sake woke up expecting to find jean lying next to him, but she wasn’t there. Sake was at his house, in his bed dealing with the realality of what had just happened. If there was a god, Sake was convinced that he was one sadistic bastard. _________________________________________________________ Today was the day. Sake had to tell jean that he was in love with her. He didn’t care that she was 55 and he was only 17. he loved her and that’s all that mattered. He thought back to all the things that she had told him about herself: that she collected santa clause dolls….that she would sit on her swing on Sunday nights and just think about all sorts of things….that she would lay out in the sun on Saturdays, he didn’t like that because he knew that the sun is bad for your skin, but he still thought it was sweet of her, how she found her sons drug stash….and that she had throne his bong away. Sake couldn’t imagine her holding a bong even to throw it away…she had told him that her first husband, whom she loved dearly had died, as much as he loved her, he was sorry that her first love was dead. Sake had written all kinds of morbid poetry about jean. Some which involved her taking a drink from a wine glass before he broke it and cut his arm with it. The pain didn’t matter to sake. It was ritualistic. He was cutting himself with something that had been sanctified with her lips. His poems of her would gradually become more and more desperate. Sake was nervous, and he had every right to be. He was about to tell jean, someone old enough to his grandmother that he was madly in love with her. He couldn’t do it verbally, so instead he had written her a three-page letter telling her everything he thought of her. He was the first to class. That was perfect. No one would see him give it to her. He could feel his heart pounding, not form love for her but from being nervous. It was almost anxiety. He wanted her to know he loved her with all his heart, but he was petrified by the thought of her rejection. Sake couldn’t back down. He had to do this and right now. He approached jeans desk and laid the envelope on her desk saying, “don’t let anyone see this”. He was giving her everything. He had never opened up to someone that much before and he was terrified. Jean replied, “are we smuggling things now?”. That day, he said nothing to her in class. He didn’t see the need for it. Everything was said in the letter. The next day sake woke up. The second he gained consciousness he was concerned about what he had given jean. What did she think about? Did she tell anyone? He didn’t know what was in store for him at school and he didn’t like that. It was time for breakfast. Sake reached over to his nightstand grabbing his remote and his cigarettes. He lit his cigarette and listened to the song “Magdalena” by a perfect circle. That song always reminded him of her with the chorus “I’d sell my soul, my self esteem…a dollar at a time…for one chance…one kiss…one taste of you my Magdalena”. He laid there smoking his cigarette thinking of jean and how she must feel about seeing him now that she knew how he felt about her. It was too late for regrets. Sake got out of bed and made his way to school. So there he was, just yards away from her door. The closer he got to the door, the worse he felt. Sake was nuascious. He couldn’t believe what he had done. The realality of telling a teacher that he was in love with her was hitting him hard. He walked in and there she was. Sake froze at the door looking at her. He was waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t. the class room quickly filled and there was nothing. Finally sake approached her and asked for the letter back. Jean replied, “I trashed it”. He couldn’t believe his ears. Here was this sweet little woman that meant so much to him. He had poured his heart out to her and she just “trashed it”. Sake was hoping she would say something about the letter but she didn’t. he was hoping for anything. She could have said “that was sweet but I’m your teacher” or “that was very inappropriate” or she could have even cursed him out. Anything would have been better than her just saying “I trashed it” Class ended. Sake wasn’t satisfied with what he heard from her. He had the right to hear more than “I trashed it”. He just went home and took a nap. Sake awoke more determined than ever to get a response from jean. He went to the medicine cabinet to get some speed. Next he poured himself three shots of crown royal. The shots were gone in seconds. Liquor was nothing to sake. He lit another cigarette in order to give the drugs and alcohol time to take their tole on him. This was it, he was ready. Sake reached for the phone, dialed her numbers and nervously waited to hear jeans voice. She said hello and sake replied with “hi how are you
Reason for writing:
most of this is a true story that happened to me except for the end....that was something i had always thought about doing....but just couldn't...yeah i know its long...but there were just to many details to leave out
Birth sign: Pisces
You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.
View more poems by kylee.