ashamed(of being ashamed)

by Antwan Fields - Aries

i close my eyes for a few minutes
think about what i have said
about what i plan to do
when i am raised from the dead
i feel ashamed for thinking this way
as long as i live i will try to be alive
i cry again as i realize
my spirits have taken a dive
you see, i bought into the game
for a little while, its true, i did, this way:
i didn't want to be black
be the way i am, thats gay
but i have recovered, i know where my place is
whether it be summer or winter, day or night
unlike some of us i want to be at the front
not in the back but leading the fight
you see, some of us want to be different
then the way we really are
self-conscious, uncomfortable
wishing we were someplace very far 
advance forward, don't go back
don't be something you can't be
don't want to be something
that doesn't look right on thee
i made that mistake, probably will make it again
but as i gazed i realized that your scrutiny was lame
in that moment i was not ashamed of myself
nor ashamed of being ashamed
i raised my head, straightened my shoulders
proceeded forward,don't stop,don't stop along the way at all
i open my eyes to begin the day
and immediately fall
but instead of being embarrassed i stood up calmly
brushed myself down
showered, shaved, freshened up and dressed
and left for BoysTown.

Reason for writing:

    certain people i know want to be what they aren't. some want to be white, some want to be black, some want to be male, some want to be female, some want to be straight, some want to be gay. but its alright what you are.
it just took me awhile to figure that out!!!    

Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2001-06-06 15:14:12
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:44:30
Poem ID: 63314

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