You know I was thinking. And I need to tell someone. I may have already mentioned it to you before, but I want to say it again. Well, you know how people say that losing love is like a knife going deep inside of you. Well, it's not true. Apparently the person who said it has never felt something go deep. They may only be talking about a small cut by a razor blade... it stings for a while but then eventually quits. A deep cut is more intense. I'm one to know. I've done it before. It was cold and rainy that night. Mom was drunk and she was beating on me so I took outside and climbed Jeremey and I's tree house. I don't know why I had the knife with me, I suppose it was for protection. I went over to the little space we had cut out for a window and looked out, some lightning bugs were still fluttering through the rain. They must have been the strong ones. I leaned back into the corner to where I could look out and I started to think about everything. That's when I cut myself, and I made sure that it went deep, very deep. I needed something else to cause pain besides family problems and what Jay had done to me that one night. Jeremey found me the next morning, I was barely alive. I was hoping I'd die, but it didn't happen. That morning the neighbors told Mom that if she didn't care for me like I was her child they would turn her in. They said they could see into our studyroom window at nights. They could see her beat me and they saw that one night when she threw me out in the cold with only a bath towel on. They said they wanted to report her then, but knew it wouldn't be fair to me. But this had pushed them over the limit. Since then she's been hiding sharp objects, pills. She even took my disposable razors away, now all I have to use is an electric one. But there was always something that she couldn't stop me from doing. When she wasn't looking I'd sneak downstairs and turn up the hot water really high. I'd go and take a shower, and I'd have the water up so hot that when I got out spots of my skin would be burned. After I took the shower I would throw up..... till I couldn't anymore and it just hurt to try. I hadn't done it for a while..... till lately. Everything seems to be eating me up inside. I think I need help but I know that no one is going to be able to help me because I know that I can't open up to people. Only sometimes, when I feel that I can't hold it in any longer. Anyhow, thanks for listening.Birth sign: Pisces
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