sadness manifesto vol.2

by J James - Pisces

i just left toothmarks 
on top of this notepad 
keeps me from grinding my teeth together 
from the lack of sleep 
it's a quarter after 8am 
according to you 24 hours 
will mosey around 10:30 
my leg is numb 
my senses are gone 
i should be sleeping 
as a matter of fact 
i've never been so tired in my life 
worse yet i grow more tired 
watching you sleep 
but unfortunatly i cant 
keep my eyes shut 
if only i had the same problem with my mouth 
i shouldnt silence myself 
while my chest pounds at the speed 
of our recent demise 
i should tell you i love you 
and tell you how frenzied and hopeless 
i've become 
and maybe i should even tell you 
how weak this has all made me 
and how hard to swallow it is 
choking like a hydrophobic in a wading pool 
and how thoughts keep flooding back to me 
now for instance... 
do you know the last time 
i was called beautiful was by my father 
when you said it to me 
for a split second i felt beautiful again 
now this canvas has been 
washed with ugly as sin 
oh here i go being emotional again 
this tear duct never simmers down 
and not even a hundred 
new toys will pacify me 
you know lets talk about 
something else for a second 
i feel like a stranger 
to the one growing up i thought 
would never fade 
but by example we can see 
nothing is permanent 
everything is beyond routine 
but maybe in that case 
i have something to look forward to 
i cant see straight with me 
being so insanely tired 
i would go to bed 
but somehow something's keeping me awake 
maybe it's the heat 
maybe it's my CD's 
but i think it's you 
or the lack there of it 
the sun is in full bloom 
and it's half past 8am 
tadzio tadzio 
what should i be doing? 
how should i be feeling? 
because i havent gotten the memo yet 
i would roll a drum 
but im scared of waking you up 
another reason for you to be upset 
this i dont need 
this has become all too tumultuous 
to keep up with 
this dizzying sensation 
is more than unbearable at the moment 
i wanna sing 
calm my nerves 
but.. 
oh fuck that 
merrigold 
ok im falling asleep in your chair 
this can only be a good sign 
i guess i'll take one more shot 
while i have the chance 
to make a decision for me
Birth sign: Pisces
Date created: 2001-07-16 23:36:11
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:13
Poem ID: 63933

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