Learning to Live

by Samantha Lowe - Scorpio

There are times in our lives
Where we all must fall
Some, somewhat harder than the rest
But the goal was not to ever quit
Nor make it somehow easier to get up again
The goal was to take each fall 
Each battle, each test of fate
And mold it into a lesson
If there was a way to do so
And to learn from it
To take out of it every morsel
Of truth and moral as you possibly could

I was never one to ask for help
Nor was I one to show any sort of suffering
Each pain, each heartbreak 
Each tear was shed alone
Whether it had been too much pride
Too much self dignity
Or even, as some may say
A way to express my independence
I never faltered in hiding my anger or my hurt

Through my eyes, my life had become a struggle
Those I trusted, always turned their backs and walked away
Those I loved, used me and took full advantage
Those I fought to keep in my life
Suddenly became clear to me
That they weren’t worth keeping
And at some point in my life
The wall came crashing down
Swallowing me up in the dust and confusion

I learned then, after being robbed of the one thing
I had left of my youth, how to hate
How to fight back
How to look everyone in the eye
And stick up for myself
There was so much anger
So much rage boiling from deep within
That had been bottled up for too many years
It just got so hard to hold it in
When finally, someone took my control

I learned to live in self-pity
Look at myself as someone so lost
So betrayed and misunderstood
I had become my worst enemy
Just because of someone who had wanted a good time
Suddenly, I had withdrawn back to my childhood
Where holding someone’s hand was mandatory 
And being guided across the street had become required

What I needed was to learn how to trust
All over again
To get off of my knees and learn to walk
What I needed was to revert back to independency
And let go of the people holding me back
Suffocating me
And, at times, even controlling me
I needed to learn how to live
To take each day and breathe it in
Then when the next day came, breathe it all out
So that it diminished with the wind

Now I stand here
The image of a girl whose found her way
Through her once disillusioned eyes
And who has every intention on living her life to the extreme fullest
No matter how far the road seems to bend off course
And no matter how many tears still to come

There are times in our lives where we all must fall
Some, somewhat harder than the rest
And I, I was one of them
Yet now I look ahead
Climbing my way back to the top
Looking up instead of down.

Reason for writing:

    I just combined most of the poems I wrote this past year, into one.    

Birth sign: Scorpio
Date created: 2001-07-29 01:15:33
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:13
Poem ID: 64189

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