I can feel you near me but I can not see you I can hear your voice in my sleep laughing like you used to But when I open my eyes Im left only with memories I try to search for a reason but I'm stopped by the memory of your tears I remember ,too well, the blank stare of fear, as you said the word Cancer I tried to be strong for you but could only be through denial How could God take you and why so young didnt he know I couldnt bare to lose you that just the thought would leave me numb afraid to make another friend because I may lose them too someone who somehow may remind me of you I dont want to take that chance that I could connect again with another heart only to face the chance of losing them too I miss out talks about our husbands and kids who do I laugh and cry with now I miss knowing that you'd allways be there that no matter what you'd allways care how could I go through this again I feel so much guilt I need to know you forgive me for not allways knowing what to say I could'nt imagine it all I was convinced you'd be okay It's been months now and I keep the hurt inside, Im afraid others wont understand I allways say I'm allright but its allways a lie they did'nt know you and they didnt lose you so for now I'll pretend that everythings fine but to my own heart I will be true someday the pain will subside and I'll find the strength to heal someday I'll be able to greet each new day the way you did with a smile.
Reason for writing:
My best friend lost her battle with Cancer one year ago this month. I wrote this poem as a form of healing. I dont think its really good but its heartfelt. :)
Carmen
Birth sign: Scorpio
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