Good-bye never seemed the right way to let go, to forget what I know by heart. How do I leave behind the only place I belong to and the only place I wanted to come home to every day? I watch my world slip through my fingers, holding back the tears that try to fight their way through. The words ring in my head, “Be strong. It’s amazing what you can do when it needs to be done.” If she only knew what she meant to me while we lived simultaneously in our own lives, knowing that mine could never be the way it was without her. I watch my best friend leave me in her cold casket entering an icy grave where she will lie eternally, leaving no room for me to lie with her. How did this godly beauty and unearthly genuineness blind me and allow me to take it for granted? It seems hard to believe that the rest of the world will not shed a tear and will not grieve a moment in silence, as this little lamb passes into the darkness. I watch her mother with eyes soaked with dripping mascara. A small hole slowly dug a place in her heart, while she let the most important thing in her life disappear. For me, the hole was my whole being. Empty like a vacant home, completely neglected and quickly forgotten, slightly reveals what has become of me. She did not even know what power she possessed and what authority she had over me. To almost everyone else, she was nothing. But to me, she was everything. She walked along, being nothing worth a second of someone’s time, and yet, she willingly gave a second to whoever selfishly wanted one. It makes me feel ugly. I never hurt her; I do not think I chose to take her for granted. But they did. They will never know how she ripped out my heart the second she took her own life because she was so sick from the grotesqueness and selfishness that plagued every day of her life. Tears soak my face as I cradle her memory. I, somehow, thought I could hide her from the pain or change it for her so it would not hurt anymore. I should have shown her that there was more to life than the things she was living. I watched people hurt her, but I cowardly bowed my head. Why did I let her slip away? I need her now more than I ever did before. I need her here to sit with me, to tell me everything is all right, and hold my hand tightly enough to persuade me that she would never let go. Now all I can do is hold myself back from the hate that is dying to stream out of my mouth at those who did not feel a stab of pain, the way I did, when I knew she was gone for good. Damn them. Damn those who feel superior, or wish to so badly, that they disregard the people they choose to make inferior in their little game. Damn those that think of life and death as an irrelevant matter, as if they were minor obstacles. Damn those that will stand in someone’s light to hide from their dark. Damn her for not letting me say good-bye….
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Birth sign: Scorpio
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