still fucked up after all these years

by Antwan Fields - Aries

maybe i'm still a head case
still wondering why i am the way i am
still fighting the tears that i've been crying
because my friend began a downward spiral
they say i shouldn't care, but still i do
i have no choice, i'm not that cold
and still sex holds a special spot in my heart
i really am fucked up

and silly me, i know how all this will end, 
with me running the tunnel we all see, flying toward the light
still crazy they think i am
still wondering why i am the way i am
i try to be happy but i never seem to be
falling in one minute and falling out the next
want friends one minute and being anti-social the next
yes, i really am fucked up

the world doesn't care, i am insignificant to its peril
growing to hate the world slowly but surely
fuck this world i want to scream sometimes
but i don't want to end up in a padded cell
or at the bottom of lake superior
being slammed into the wall hard, i shuffle away
no longer destiny's chosen, but a bit player now
i try not to be a joke but the conspiracy against me
proves and provokes me to find out what is in the end
and i truly remain fucked up

to have known what they really thought of me is something i want to know
and than again, might not
fuck the world and the morality they claim to have
i'm losing everything to gaining nothing
after 18 years i realize
i truly am and will forever be fucked up.

Reason for writing:

    coming to this realization gives me now a reason to write this in exactly the way it was meant to be written    

Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2001-12-15 16:34:34
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:45:25
Poem ID: 66213

You need to log in to edit this poem if it is yours.

View more poems by Antwan Fields.