It's funny how the people who ignore you always say they dont, and as youre trying to explain it to them they brush you off like a pesky fly And the people who promised they'd be there Are the last ones to ask you whats wrong I hate how I look around and see so many people Yet I feel all alone No one has time to hear me or time to hear why I feel the way I do So I get louder and they just pay attention to me for a second, enough to yell at me to shut up So then I go to school thinking I'll be surrounded by friends and just as I walk-up, they turn around and start walking away as they ask eachother about the weekend I go to class and turn in my homework expecting my teachers to tell me good job But they dont, they only say stuff to the bad kids who didnt turn in anything So as I walk by my crush, I hear him say hi I look up as my heart is pounding, but I slowly put my head back down cuz he was talking to the girl behind me Finally report cards come and mine gets tossed aside with the 2 a's, 3 b's and 1 c and my parents just have a talk with my brother about how his grades need to improve or he'll never get into college, he's the "smart child" I guess that makes me the "dumb child" who's only in college prep classes and passing them Maybe if I join AP classes and fail them all I'll finally be noticed So after all that I take out the razor and start making little marks on the top of my wrists and showing them to people, who tell me "oh all you want is attention" YES! you finally understand But then they just look at me in disgust and keep ignoring my existence I dont know what to do anymore you can only make stupid jokes and other people laugh for so long and then you get here Where I am I'm at the point where I dont see a future for myself I used to be so afraid of death that Id have nightmares But now it doesnt look as scary I mean why be alive and miserable when I can be dead and resting peacefully? I just dont think I could so it cuz I dont own a gun and I dont have enough courage to do the slit the wrists bit, hmmm pills? nah, I hate swallowing pills, plus if I go I want to go looking pretty Hair done, make-up done, new outfit, nails done I need a long good-bye note to a few special people that actually have been there I'd leave my funeral arrangements next to me I want to be put in one of those wall thingys I dont want to be buried And absolutely no buring, i dont want to be a bunch of stinky ashes And I want one of those pastors with an accent like the one at my great-grandma's funeral where it sounded like he kept saying "tank you" instead of "thank you" Then I think I'd get sad cuz theres so much I havent done in my life that I want to do I cant die now, id miss so much...
Reason for writing:
I wrote this last year, i was having a horrible month! Im so much happier in my life now. I havent cut myself in like 9 months and i have great friends and family. Writing helps me now to get out my feelings, so i dont keep my anger or emotions bottled up anymore. I write, i get it out and then its over. This website has helped a lot too. I think its awesome! ~Sarah~
Birth sign: Cancer
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