im falling deeper and deeper into my depression, each day is harder to face, im tired of struggling and fighting, i want to leave this place, i keep thinking of what it would be like, to take that final step, to end all this bullshit, i feel like theres nothing left, nothing more to live for, nothing more i want to see, its not that i dont care about life, its just my mind will never let me be, the person that i was.... i keep wondering what it would be like, to forget everything and everyone, and to finally be alone, to end this fucked up dream, i wish i knew that all would end, and i could finally breath, that beutiful sigh of relief, that i feel all of us need, in just three short years, my world has brought me here, to the pit of rock bottom, where nothing is clear..... i wish i could understand, why i do the things i do, why everythings so sad, why i went through what i went through, im sure theres worse off people than me, but when i tell myself these things, i feel like im the only one, who understands what i mean, i feel like no matter how far i come, there will never be peace, there will never be a time in my life, when all this shit will cease.... i keep thinking about my freinds, and of what there doing tonight, i pray that everyone is safe and happy, i wish they knew that im not alright, im closer and closer to the edge, i wonder how much they would miss me, if they found out i was dead....... im prepard to take my own life, to end my unhappy existance, and to make my journey complete, im scared i might do it this time, and actually end up deceased, but to pull the trigger or slice the knife, im afraid takes guts, but guts and cowardace could be confused as one, and im so filled with cowardace i could bust, i conive and steal, my entire way through life, everyone claims to be alive is a gift, but what gift cause such struggles and fights, im sick of what life has to offer, im sick of many things, i wish god would take me away right now, so i could see what death brings.... it seems like ill never be like the rest, of happy people i see, im not saying i would change to be anyone, other than me, i cherish all my memories, and everything ive learned, im just sick of bad shit happening, and of constantly being burned, by the fire underneath me, the one i continue to stir, as i keep adding to these flames, everything becomes a blur, of choices to be made, and of things already lost, im smarter than ive ever been, but....at what cost.... the mind is a very fragile thing, and can easily be confused, so easily destroyed and tampered with, all depending on how i choose, it effects my heart and soul, which to this day is filled with hate, i wish i could turn all of this off, but im afraid its much too late, to forget what im feeling right now, and to block all these demons, and ghosts keep appearing from my past, and they have so much bearing on how im feeling..... i fade from memory to memory, trying to find where i lost my place, theres just so many of them, and some are so hard to face, i can remember everything, that has brought me to where i am, but what i cant remember, keeps me stuck in these sands, looking out from my hourglass, into all thats in my past, i just notice im constantly sinking, how much longer can i last.....
Reason for writing:
pretty long huh?? i wrote this awhile ago i wasnt gonna post it i wanna see of anyone understands this one.. its sorta sketchy and skips around alot.....cipher
Birth sign: Aries
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