I'm my own worst enemy, So scared of my self, Of what I might do, So afraid, Of being alone, I look around, Dark as night, The voices in my head are cajoling me, Rooting me on, Steering me into the kitchen, Opening a drawer, Pulling out the sharpest knife, Dragging my numb body to the bathroom, I fill the tub, Get undressed and jump in, The warm water covers my whole body, Feels like I'm floating, I take a deep breath and go under the water, Seeing everything with far away eyes, I surface and listen intently, No sound excepte my poor heart beating, I drag the knife deep across my left wrist, Then my right, It stings but after awhile I feel light and airy, I hear the ocean, The crashing waves, The circling gulls, The warm air blowing softly through my hair, I'm on horseback, Riding into the blue water, The sun blazing down upon me, And I'm so very happy. A soft smile is frozen on my now bluish lips, My heart is slowing, And I'm getting so very tired, I shut my eyes and I'm back, On my beautiful beach, On my beautiful gray stallion and you're here with me, You come towards me, And fight against the waves to get to me, I smile and wave, "come back to me!" you scream, I shake my head and laugh, Going farther into the deep blue ocean, We turn to the right and finally touch sand, And I gallop down the beach, Farther and farther away from your frantic voice, "Come ride with me!" I call back laughing, You shake your head hard, You look so scared, I ride back towards you, "Aren't you happy to see me?" I ask, "Not like this" you reply sadly, I laugh and reach for you, "You have to go back" you pull out of my reach, "Never!" I cry and I'm off like a bolt of lightning, I hear screaming in the distance, But it's so faint I ignore it, I'm going faster and faster, My horse rears up and I fall off, "calm down boy," I call" what is it?" His innocent choclate brown eyes are scared, And I stand up shakily. I open my eyes weakly not focusing, "Honey wake up!"My mother screams while my Father picks me up wrapping a blanket around me. I am to weak to struggle;To weak to care, "stay awake!"I feel light pinching, On what I think is my skin, But I'm so numb, We go into the smooth night air, And into a car, Speeding away, through town, And towards a hospital, They pick me up again and through electric doors, Strange people around me, Scrambling and yelling orders, I block them out and squint my eyes, "Dont die!" my parents are crying, Rebel tears escape from my eyes, "I love you" I say just loud enough, They hug my limp body close, "Not your fault", I shut my eyes. I'm back on my beach, My gray stallion and you are waiting for me, "Now I'm happy to see you",you say, Smiling and taking me in your strong arms, "Welcome back to me", "Yes",I say happily, "We were afraid that you wouldn't come back to us," I shake my head"Iknow," I stare wistfully out across the ocean, Tears sliding down my cheeks.Birth sign: Libra
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