John- Hey buddy, I miss you. Where have you been? No one has seen you in a while. We all miss you. Why did you leave? Why did you leave us all here to deal with YOUR problems? You ended your life, without thinking twice. Put a bullet in your head, and solve all your problems? What about us? What about me? I loved you, John! You've always been here for me. But now, when I need you the most, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU JOHN? Your life wasn't as bad as you fucking thought. You thought you didn't mean anything to anyone, but John, you meant EVERYTHING to EVERYONE! Your note said that you 'were a fuckup.' YOU'RE NOT A FUCKUP! THAT'S ME! I Let the best friend I'll ever have slip right through my fingers. HOW THE HELL COULD I DO THAT?I know that we used to fight alot. It was all my fault. I acted like I hated you, but I didn't. I could never hate you. I love you, John. We all do. I wish we hadn't fought as much. I wish I could have been there for you in the end. John, even if we were still fighting, you always knew you could call me anytime, day or night, if you needed anything. Why didn't you talk to any of us? You never told us that you were hurting. Instead you let Eric find you on your bed, with a gun in your lap, and bits of your brain on the ceiling. From what I've heard, you were playing Everlast when you did it. I can't listen to that CD anymore. I went into your room on the day of your funeral. There was a bullet hole in the ceiling, and blood and brain material everywhere. The guys got rid of the bed and the gun you used. They couldn't stand to have it in the house anymore. Everyone was at the funeral. So many people loved you. Why did you do it John? Why did you fucking leave all of us to deal with your problems instead of facing them like a real man? Why the fuck didn't you talk to one of us? GODDAMN I FUCKING MISS YOU!!!!! Today would have been your 18th birthday. You probably would have woke us all up at 12:01, so we could watch you buy us all cigarettes. Legally this time. You would have been so happy. But, now you won't ever be able to. You'll never be able to fight with me over the Kurt Cobain shirt, you'll never pout again, you'll never have my baby, you'll never get stoned with me again.... you'll never be alive again. I wish I could see you again. Just once. For a few short minutes. I would tell you that I don't hate you, I love you. I LOVE YOU!!! I would give you a hug, and never let go. I would pull out a blunt, and get you smoked up. But, I know none of those things will ever happen, because you're gone. You'll never come back, no matter what I do. No matter what anyone does. John, how do I deal with your death? I don't know. Smoke another bowl, take another drink. That's my way of dealing. You taught me well. Well, John I've got to go now, but not for long. Start looking for me soon, because I can't take it here much longer. You had better find me, or I don't know what I'll do. Just remember that I love you, and I'll be with you in a very short while. I love you, See you soon, Alejandrita (remeber that name?)Birth sign: Libra
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