Eating makes it worse. It's like i stuff my mouth as if it makes the pain go away, even if only for a moment. and the whole time, i am filling this unbearable urge to binge while i secretly loathe myself every second i am drowning my face into future inches around my waste. hours in the morning in front of a mirror, loading on pounds of make up so that i look pretty, fooling all those who didn't see me an hour before. that is not a life. it is sad, and yet, i know tomorrow morning, i will get up earlier than anyone else in the morning so i can quickly pile the mask on because i'm sure that they have forgotten what i look like, too. god, you would think i would have figured out by now that guys do not want me. how could they want something that weighs more than they do? you see these skinny girls being thrown around by a bunch of guys, flaunting something i will never have. it makes me sick. it makes ill to be me, and ill to be sitting here doing nothing about it. so i'll eat, it seems that is the only thing i am good at. everything that i have been told that i am good at is a joke. i am not the best at any of them. i am, certainly, not interesting or naturally attractive. what would ever make someone want to be with me, want to live with me, and wake up next to me every morning? no one would want to see the real me or talk to me. i am fun when i am pleasing to look at but the second my face changes, so do the people around me. and if i hear one more person say, "don't waste your time with people like that", i might just smack them in the face because let's face it, there aren't people that will not change. oh yes, they will bitch and whine that they are different, and yet, none of them have proven me wrong. i really am a good person, or at least i was. no one ever gave me a chance to just be a nice person. i had to step away from the light before they could do that.Birth sign: Scorpio
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