Shitty feelings

by Jaired A S - Aries

one day not to long ago
seemed like only one way out to a day of dirt
the reason for trying so hard 
just to realize it was a fail from the get go

im just wanna go back to beer
i wanna just be boozen and always be loosing out
i just wanna get fuckin high , and live like a lie
i wanna take lots of drugs and hopefully make me high enough to actually enjoy a little
I dont Care annymore is it a reason just to already quite?
tell me this what i have so hard driven for
that it actually would turn against me like always

am i supose to just grab and run 
am i supose to cry when my tears have already dried
am i a lie that just never shows the truth 
am i dead already 
have i died when my heart sank in the ocean 
were the search has startted 
but never wanted to actually search

i am seeking nothing more
i dont want nothing more 
give me a last nothing
i never wanted nothing 
i never had much 
born n raised myslef for most of it
never really looked 
never really found 
never really wanted to try anyway 
never really wanted annymore of it
even though my heart said no
i have turned away from feelings
i just let my passion burn out like the bits of a fire with a few ashes left
i have just let my affection crawl under the carpet to hide
i just leave it and step on it
i just let love walk over me all the time 
for i am a fool 
wich i dont want none of you to know 
i get a little sicker
i get a little tired
evertime i swim back up for a grasp of air
im drowning
and i have not left any more request 
i just wanna stop 
and sink one last time 
fade my thoughts to black
fade my sight to black
put the pressure against this wilted head
this head that so been brutall kissed
this kiss that kissed me to the ocean of hope
this hope that kills me to only fail 
im hoplessly lost
i just wanna die
whats there to live for?
whats there to see?
whats left for me?
how many times 
they put my heart aside to the road 
that they said they would come along with me as i walk through it 
how many fuckin times have they tossed 
for at night i cant sleep anymore 
not with this urge of a mending heart
this face that wants to cry
this mind that wants to die
this heart that will never fly
this heart ready to explode 
I  dont wanna die in tears
i just wanna drink a beer
i just wanna get stoned 
please i hope 
this drug takes me
off away to soemthing less shitty 

take me away 
take me off
stop throwing me away 
just leave
leave this away 
as a far off thought as possible
beneath the dreams of motions 
were a dream will never become true
and a lie is all i had 
and a hope thats all i had left 
and the lie won 
and it has taken me far away
and now has slowly turned back unto me
now misery feaver
has overwelamed ever part of me 
this fight is over
this battle for nothing 
this nothing for me
theress somewere im needed 
were theres nothing left
were theres nothing to do
were thers just nohting at all
ill embrace to this 

nothing
nothing

all i ever was

nothing

Reason for writing:

    I dont know?    

Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2002-04-01 03:46:19
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:15
Poem ID: 68791

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