MARCH 31, 2002 MOMENT STOPPED ONE MOMENT STOPPING ALL TIME THE NOT FEELING OF ANYTHING ONLY HEARING MY HEART THUMPING LOUDLY CLOSING MY EYES TO EVADE HIS MY FLESH BURNING WITH REGRET MY THOUGHTS MOVING STRATEGICALLY ONE TO THE OTHER REALITY SETS IN AFTER IT IS OVER I WAS RAPED, I WAS NOT DREAMING IN THE HOSPITAL, THE NURSE SPEAKS QUIETLY, YET TRUTHFULLY ANOTHER ROOM, THE DETECTIVE ASKS PROBING QUESTIONS I KEEP REMINDING MYSELF TO LISTEN TO HIM, TO ANSWER AM I HERE? FOCUS, THINK, SAY SOMETHING NO! NO! NO! I SAID NO I DID, I DIDN’T WANT TO OH THE ROOM IS SPINNING WILDLY HE IS HERE, I FEEL HIM, SEE HIM OH GOD STOP, IT IS JUST YOUR IMAGINATION, IT’S ONLY THE DETECTIVE I CAN’T MOVE, I AM PARALYZED, GOOD, IT IS JUST PANIC FEARFUL, WHERE AM I? FEAR OF HIM, WHERE AM I? I CAN’T SEE, REALIZATION I AM IN THE CAR GOING HOME? HOME, THE PLACE OF SAFETY AND CLOSURE TO THIS ENDLESS NIGHT I AM IN THE BATH, STILL NOTHING COMES, NOTHING HERE MY MIND BLANK, SHOCKING REALITY I WAS RAPED TOUCHING MY SKIN FEELS DIRTY, INVADED BY DISEASE TAINTED I AM NOW BY THE VILE TOUCHES, HIM INSIDE ME WASH, STERILIZE MY BODY, CLEANSE MY SOUL, CLEAR MY MIND SINKING UNDER THE WATER, MAYBE IT WILL JUST GO AWAY LEANING AGAINST THE COLD PORCELAIN REMINDS ME OF HIS FLOOR I AM THERE, HE IS ON TOP OF ME, WHAT’S HAPPENING? I SEE WHAT HE IS DOING, HE IS RAPING ME I AM FLOATING IN THE AIR, DID HE KILL ME? AM I DEAD? OPENING MY EYES I AM UNDERWATER, PANIC, SIT UP WATER DRIPPING OFF MY BODY, I WAS THERE NO, I WAS REMEMBERING ONLY RELIVING WHY! WHY! CURLING UP IN BED, BLANKET WRAPPED TIGHTLY AROUND ME SLEEP AND WHEN YOU WAKE IT WILL ALL BE A DREAM JUST A NIGHTMARE WHY ME? I SAID, NO I SAID, NO WRITTEN BY: JENNIFER PAYNE HOBSON copyrighted March 2002
Reason for writing:
I was raped and this is my memory ofthe night and the pain I suffered through.
Birth sign: Taurus
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