I sat on my sofa
Watching Maury
A show about incest
Brothers sleeping with sisters
Mothers sleeping with sons
Fathers sleeping with daughters
Kissing cousins
Close family members
Committing the most
forbidden sin of
our society
It felt like deja vu
Had I been in that
situation before?
Their stories sounded
familiar
Suddenly I began to sob
Uncontrollable sobs
I didn't know why
And couldn't stop
Did I have a big secret?
Was I really feeling
their pain?
Some kind of buried pain?
I'd push something
to the back of my mind
To keep me sane
I searched my mind
To see what I would find
Flashes of the past
Went by real fast
I was young
A hand was touching me
Faceless man
Who was this person?
He was groping me
Caressing me
Feeling on me
I was enjoying it
It was wrong
I was much too young
to understand
This was something I buried
Along with all the other
painful memories
All of the shameful memories
I cried harder
Through my salty tears
A face began to form
Was it a neighbor?
Was it a friend
of the family?
I weeped as the face
came into view
A face I couldn't
bare to face
A face I'd kissed
many times
A face I'd seen
smile back at me
A face that was no
stranger to me
I cried even harder
as I recognized who it was
It was my....
It was....
It....
FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!
I can't even bare to say it!!!
More tears, louder sobs
More shame washed over me
I began to pray
I asked God to forgive me
For such an unspeakable act
Cleanse me of the shame
For I cannot bare to think
of these thoughts
I prayed for the man in my mind
Whose face I've always adored
I became filled with anger
Rage
Hostility
Terror
I swung and punched everything
in my line of fire
Knocked over everything that
was standing up
Broke everything that was
breakable
Pick up everything that
wasn't attached
Threw everything
Beat the stuffings out of the
pilows
Until I grew tired
Too tired to take another breath
Too tired to take another swing
Too tired to break another thing
I fell over in a slump by the sofa
Cried myself to sleep
Hoping to wake up out of this nightmare
The forbidden sin
Birth sign: Cancer
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