the test

by Matthias L. - Capricorn

Frozen in the heat of summer, 
I stagger homewards, warring with the invisible foes that have been keeping their eyes on me ever since life was divided into pure and evil and play-one-game-for-free
I taste the motionless,  
quite unable to figure out what day it is
Run against the shadows, I was told
Run. Home. Safe.
So I try not to fall and let it appear as though I'm so much ahead of time no one can force me to catch up again
Returning before I left,
to what's almost a second home, 
my sole existance makes everything
more lifeless when I'm there
Worse, but providing a chance to rest.
Wishing to curl up in a dark corner again,
this is not the past I want to remember.
Removing the skin from my hands,
then the flesh, only to despair
at the sight and stinging sensation of blood
trickling through the fabric that dreams
are not made of
That fever could kill me, yet I don't sleep
I can't afford to, watching myself to find another way out
Repelled by the thought that imperfection could last so long,
another hand is carving deeper, making way for anyone's gaze to taste the obvious
And the pain felt doesn't count anymore, a trifle burden compared to the vibrant remnants of pre-embryonic state of life inside
Cells that merge, eagerly repeating the process of giving up their own identity for a state of superior numbness
I carve deeper... liberating them in myself, myself in them, knowing that it's already too late and time will manage to get to me soon enough
Tomorrow will be the same, it seems... then...
Is there another means to pass the test?
Birth sign: Capricorn
Date created: 2002-04-22 19:38:46
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:46:23
Poem ID: 69340

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