I am setting here in my room alone in the dark. Trying to figure out what to do. Everyonealways tell me it is selfish, when people take their own life. They say that they don't think about how other people will feel. But they don't understand what it is like. ~ Emptiness inside. Running all around. A feeling like no one is there. They don’t notice me. They don’t care. I cry myself to sleep every night. But I don't think any thing of my sadness. It has always been this way. I keep telling myself it is normal, but the pain just wont go away. It hurt all inside of me, It is running through my veins. Being alone in this room; Its only me facing myself. It’s only me facing all of my doubts. All alone hating my self. Hating who I am. What I have become. Hating that I am no one. Hating what I see in the mirror. And loving nothing. My heart aches so badly for someone to be here; I’m screaming for someone to notice me; for some one to care. to pull me back to life; and to free me from this fright. to pull me out of these rainy days. That have turned into a storm night. I lie on my bed hurting so bad. The pain inside of me swealing. Its all over whelming. Thoughts clutter my brain, Thoughts of ending this pain. That’s all I want, is for the pain to stop. I fall off the bed on to my knees, I can hardly breath; Praying, screaming, asking, pleading for God to end this pain To help me out of this storm I am trapped in. There is no answer. There is nothing. There is no one. God doesn't care. There is no God, he isn't there. I am so lost spinning around and around, just trying to pick my self up off the ground. But its hopeless there is no point. I have been fighting this storm and can't anymore. I have fought for my life as long as I can hold on. The storm has won. The confusion of the hurricane has settled in. I don’t want to feel like this. I refuse to live this way. No one will miss me. They just don't care, if they did then why aren't they here. Where were they this night; when I have decided to end my life? I go to the bathroom and grab a handful of different pills, take them, but they are to slow, So I will go to the kitchen and grab a butcher’s knife. I stab it right through my stomach, as far as it would go. Twist it. I immediately drop down to the floor. I feel my life slipping away, so very slowly, I’m leaving this place. But wait! I changed my mind! I don't want to go! I haven't seen my family in so long. I haven't told my mom or my dad that I love them. I haven't been to prom. I didn’t tell my friends how much they mean to me. I want to grow up. I haven't done anything. I want to live my life! I want my life back! God help me! I changed my mind! Don’t take me away, please, don't let me leave everything behind. PLEASE! I am sorry I didn't mean what I said I do believe you are there. But it is too late; I see the shining light. It is so pretty and oh, so bright. It’s like a rainbow in the clouds. I can’t hold on anymore I have to let go. It’s over there is no more pain. No more crying; No more laughing; No more hugs, kisses, or I love you‘s. No more hi’s or good-bye’s No more sky, clouds, rain, grass, trees, or flowers. Nothing. I wish I could go back. I wish I could change the past. But it is over. And now I can’t go back. ~ I was wrong. Everyone was right. I was lost and just din’t see the light. Gone to far, deep inside, lost so far in my own mind. To blind to see what was right in front of me. To gone to care, for anyone that was there. Lost in my mind. Trying to find a way; to free me form this hurricane.Birth sign: Aquarius
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