I remember a high-spirited child With ribbon tied pigtails in her hair Who long waited for her daddy's phone call To tell her he was on his way and would soon be there. I remember nights of us just talking When I spent the weekend, shared your bed Knowing I was protected from the darkness For close to your pillow, I would lay my head. I remember what seemed long drives home Falling to sleep in the back of your red van Awakening to find myself being carried within your arms And then back to dreamland my mind often ran. I remember running outside in the dark after a rainstorm Carrying a flashlight and some plastic butter bowls Jumping on worms as they fled from the light And then hooking them the next day onto our fishing poles. I remember camping in the great outdoors Being quiet and still, as the skunks inhabited our campsite Listening to you as you told your childish tales Trying to scare us kids with the darkness of the night. I remember the trials of growing up And seeing you sadden as your little girl changed Recalling you asking where my forever smile had gone And how our closeness had seemed to be exchanged. I remember how you felt on Father's Day After Grandpa had died and you went out on the boat alone How you told me your eyes often filled with tears And how sometimes you just had to get away from home. I remember being without a father too One who walked in and left with slammed doors With never a short step down the hall Feeling as if I wasn't even yours. I remember not a word spoken And long nights of nothing but tears Because I was rejected by my own father As if I didn't matter after all these years. I remember feeling guilty for my opinions Being shoved away because I refused a car Feeling hopeless that one day you would understand me Being excluded as if I were a child with facial burn scars. I remember wanting to hug you To show my love and how for you I still care But what I remember most is how you've hurt me Leaving me alone, emotionally battered, and eternally scared.
Reason for writing:
- My mother came into the room tonight and looked at me and then walked away. I told her that I knew she wanted to tell me something so I told her to just say it. She asked me to write a poem about how I felt when Dad left just a few moments ago so I did. I printed out the poem and gave it to her, and she just left. I think she has gone to his house, to show him how I feel. He hasn't spoken to me since my 18th birthday. That was in February. I have an older sister, she's the only one he'll claim. I suppose Mom is trying to do her good deed for the day, but in all honesty, I believe that he doesn't deserve to know how I feel. And to think, it's all over a car. A car. -
Birth sign: Pisces
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