a clouded mind (rambling thoughts)

by alexis d - Virgo

it was the delicacy 
and the purity of your love
that was the armor i wore
as i withstood the battle

i could suffer nothing worse
than sitting there that night
holding your hand 
and telling you to let go...
release yourself from the pain
and then cringing at my selfishness
as i watched you go 
and resented you for it

the only thing worse
are the moments of weakness 
and i forget how hard you fought
how far you were willing to go

just to live
just to live

i wonder
how many times
floating in the air
you want to kick my ass
as i drown in my rage
and self pity
you're doing it now aren't you?
as i read these words 
through teary eyes

i have it all
some of it handed to me
the rest i fought for
and in nothing have i lost
not even your death

you once told me
'such a waste is negative
energy, channel it all into something
positive and then give that to 
someone who needs it'
because that's what you were
that's what you did

and there's someone who needs it

yes mother...
i think it's time
well past time
i once again become your 
daughter
and bring you back to life.
Birth sign: Virgo
Date created: 2002-05-12 02:25:20
Last updated: 2021-03-03 14:46:30
Poem ID: 69670

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