I pray for the days
when love was my only heartache
Those three days
turned any other despair
Into a joke
juvenile and unsubstantial
Holding a hand
that only moved
because of involuntary contractions
(that didn't stop me from forcing myself
to believe
it was you)
I don't believe I ate
but I drove
back and forth
to home
where I knew
you were
Although
I lied
and told myself
otherwise
We surrounded you
with love
prayers
and tears
The choice was made
and a small part of me
thought
it would have been ok
But you finally let go
and it wasn't as peaceful
as I would have hoped
Your face was contorted
with real pain
although they said
it was just muscles
But it was the face
of the man
who had loved me
protected me
encouraged me
and taught me
It was the face of my father
They were not just muscles
It was not just muscles
that made such a crippling face
It was not just muscles
clenching your fists
fighting
Even I cannot explain
the horror
with helplessness
when you died.
Birth sign: Gemini
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