Locked out of my old life.

by Twan - Aries

I do not think this is real. 
I do not care how the old me would feel
But the new me stands close to the bar, knowing the fear
but it will not stop me from being here. 
I become flesh for one hour, but you really missed your cue
You fought for some guy who didn't at all like you
And I got a ride back to my old friend's place
It was NYE-Why wasn't I in the space?
You'd rather be alone than be with me
Am I so disgusting? So repulsive, ugly?
The old me would have let this destroy his fragile ego
The new me consoles himself with everything he could know
When I walked among you as you you knew me and was in heat
Before you would have pursued me, now you wish me defeat?
My wish was to please, my only thought to have sex
I did not expect to leave hunters with friendships in a wreck.
I rode 430 miles from Minne-St.Paul
And I didn't enjoy my trip, at all, at all
Sense people moving around that really shouldn't stand
I twist my neck backward, can't see from the sand
Drink in hand I peruse the croud in the bar
And I yelled long and loud in my mind in the car
I go out Sunday night and life has truly changed
The whores and sluts in hibernation, in marriages arranged
No reason for me to return to the Chi
but I did it anyway, before my enthusiasm for it would die
Friends fade away in the large smoky room
For my sex life? On life support, certain doom
And the meds have made it harder than it should have been. 
I don't really want to remember the times...when
I danced among them and laughed, remembering old times
When I danced and went home with them, beer and limes
And the rainbow dances high above my head
But this is alien to me, curiosity fed. 
Let no one tell you you're not worth the trip
And live alone as a queen, always having a fat lip
What man would hurt a woman, or one who lives as a female
For those who do so deserve long terms in jail
But my life goes on without me, refrain
All have vanished that made my life sane
All the fighting that happened, of it I made a list
And I turned away from my old life, and stared into the abyss. 
What must I do to make up for the things I used to be
For all the times I celebrated immaturity with glee
Looking into the future, this is something I'll do
And whereever you are, that future's with you.
Birth sign: Aries
Date created: 2006-01-27 02:09:46
Last updated: 2021-04-14 17:18:17
Poem ID: 71164

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